9 Mar 2013

Richmond Coliseum, Richmond, Virginia (seats 13,410)


(Black screen.)

(ESEN logo.)

(The CSWA's original red-and-white "circle" logo appears, then breaks apart into various copmany logos over history. As the logos fade in and out, so do the phrases:




A Legacy Unmatched.

(CUEUP: "I'm Alive" by Jeremy Camp)

(CUTTO: A wideshot of the Pensacola Civic Center in Richmond, VA!)


JM V/O: A Parsons family reunion. We’re all here for the picnic!

BB V/O: At the Pensacola Civic Center in Richmond, VA! Welcome to another edition of CSWA PRIMETIME!

(CUTTO:  A shot of the new CSWAvision LCD. CSWA interns standing by the CSWAvision shoot T-shirts into the crowd with hand cannons.)

(CUTTO: Ringside! Where BILL BUCKLEY and JOEY MELTON sit at their broadcast position. Fans behind them reach out to touch any part of Melton as any sane person would do and mug for the camera. Some idiot is on a cell phone waving to presumably the moron he’s talking with.)

BB:  We are NOT at a Parsons family picnic.

JM: How can you tell Buckley? This is mongoloid central. Look around. You’re telling me these people don’t remind you of the Parsons clan? Do you remember what a chore being around Ed Parsons was? One of the boys once pooped in his chicken stir fry and he didn’t know the difference.

BB: Ok that’s horrible.

JM: I’m just saying. Around these parts sleep with one eye open and keep the car running at all times. I know the southern states were our bread and butter back in the day, but some of these people don’t look like they’ve seen the light of day since we were LAST HERE!

BB: Fans we’ve got a stellar show for you tonight. The WORLD TAG TEAM Tournament continues! Today, Melton we’ll find out which two teams go to ANNIVERSARY with a chance at winning the titles.

JM: And what an honor winning this tournament will be. These have to be the least defended titles in all of sport outside of Mrs. West Virginia. They have that title away fifty years ago and nobody from within the family has tried to wrest it away.

BB: Oh stop.

JM: You don’t go against family, Buckley. And honestly with a distorted gene pool what are the odds of the original Mrs. West Virginia every being topped?

BB: I’m not going there. But the CSWA Unified Tag Titles have a long lineage. Some of the greatest teams of the last twenty-five years have held these titles, and tonight we narrow the field.

JM: If you see the silver lining there, you’re a better man than I, Buckley.

BB: And the Greensboro title is up for grabs as Kevin Watson and Cameron Cruise square in the ring!

JM: GUNS said it best Buckley. We’re celebrating two idiots getting in a ring to see who’s the champion of the third largest city of Greensboro. No, I understand there’s been some recent growth but it’s still third best. Maybe the winner gets a Costco membership and lifetime passes to the Natural Science Center. I’d say keys to the city, but hey let’s not get carried away with ourselves.

BB: The Greensboro Title is the only other singles title in the CSWA today. And it represents the city that gave so many of us our start, including YOU!

JM: Don’t remind me Buckley. That’s a virgin losing her flower while horseback riding or some other freak accident. The point is anything you do can have unintended consequences.

BB: What happened to you as a child, seriously?

JM: You don’t want to know.

BB: Let’s head backstage to Rudy Seizter who’s standing by with the #1 seeds in this tournament…


JM: Did you---

(CUTTO: A black screen.)

(ESEN has lost the live feed from Richmond.)

BEST OF CSWA: Thanksgiving '99 Eli Flair vs. Deacon

(Several minutes after losing the broadcast feed, ESEN begins to air a BEST OF CSWA program taped a few years ago. Rudy Seizter in a Tuxedo walks through the Jedi Archives of CS headquarters.)

(Seizter talks about the history of the CSWA a bit and sets up the MAIN EVENT of the Thanksgiving Weekend Spectular from 1999.)

Deacon vs. Eli Flair.

SB:  It's time....it's time....it's Vader time.  Sorry...I don't know where that came from.

BB:  It's time alright.  It's time for one of the biggest matches of the year, folks.  I don't think we've seen one like this since Mark Vizzack and Eddy Love stepped in the ring at ELVIS LIVES.  And after everything that has happened this year....these two men now step to the pinnacle of the sport.  It's time for the sendoff to Day One... let's give it to Rhubarb.

RJ:  Ladies and gentlemen...first, the challenger...

[The lights go out and the crowd SCREAMS in anticipation.]

[They wait…]

[…And wait, or so it seems. Slowly, the sound of the Gregorian chant begins to overtake the screaming of the fans. A feeling, previously of euphoria that accompanies such things as entrances, is replaced by something else - an eerie, change. Smoke begins to pour from under the ramp and out into the walkway. Goosebumps grow as the power and force of the chant increases. The crowd responds as expected, but the chant begins to lose out to something new - wind chimes?]

[The crowd, not expecting this change, realizes that SOMETHING IS UP and LOVES IT! Overtaking the wind chimes another chant, no - more like a prayer, begins to be heard…]






[An electric guitar power chord is struck, surprising all the fans in attendance. As that chord, you hear a voice, strong with a Mediterranean accent, shout…]


["Destiny" by Petra starts its explosive beginning as Fireworks explode all around the entrance along with blinders. When the fans can see again, Shepherd is already walking down the ramp toward the ring followed by Deacon wearing his monk's robe. They seem to float to the ring as 'their' fan's screams reach deafening levels. Shepherd enters the ring, followed by Deacon who appears to be 'coming out' of the smoke below. He ascends the stairs, steps over the top rope, and then stands in the center of the ring, "Destiny's" second verse already playing. As the chorus begins to play again, fireworks EXPLODE all around the ring along with the aforementioned blinders from above the ring. When the intense light dies down, Deacon's robes are removed and he stands there in his new ring attire.]

[Replacing his old black 'priest' outfit is a white pants outfit. No shirt now is worn, and his cross scar from when he was in China, lines his olive skin colored chest. The pants have a golden 'Celtic Cross' inlaid into their legs. He turns to the fans and accepts the cheers and jeers equally with the same look upon his face - complete determination.]

[Shepherd calls for the microphone and is obliged. He takes it to begin…]


[To everyone's surprise, Deacon moves toward Shepherd who puts the outstretched microphone directly in front of Deacon's mouth. The fans, spending two long years wondering what he sounds like, can now finally hear what the Deacon says. Deacon takes a moment to stare out to each side of the ring riling the crowd even more in eager anticipation. In one violent motion, he throws his arms out in a crucifix position and tosses his head so he looks into the heavens as he screams in a VERY known Mediterranean accent…]


[The crowd is stunned… the gasps are slowly replaced by cheers as Deacon looks around one last time and awaits his opponent…]

RJ:  Ladies and gentlemen...hailing from the Bronx, New York, and standing at six feet nine inches and 300 pounds...

("Loco" by Coal Chamber begins to play)

RJ:  His opponent is a former Intracontinental Champion, a former Presidential Champion, former United States Champion, and is accompanied to the ring by his manager, Poison Ivy.  He is the CSWA World Heavyweight Champion and the King of Extreme....here is.....TOTAL ELIMINATION......ELI FLAIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!   (crowd pops huge as a wall of pyro goes up behind Eli and Ivy.)

BB:  Well...we've certainly never seen anything like that before.  Deacon breaks his silence...and Eli Flair emerges from a wall of flame...with that storied twenty pounds of gold around his waist.

SB:  And the same old rag on his arm...

BB:  Don't start that again, Sammy....otherwise we might have another guest up here tonight.  

SB:  Lord no....

BB:  Senior referee Ben Worthington has the call in this contest.  He accepts the big gold belt from Eli Flair, shows it to Deacon, and raises it above his head.  This one is for the the biggest prize in wrestling today, folks.  The belt that started it all... the CSWA...the Unified Title...and the biggest moneymaker in the sport.  Here it is, folks...

SB:  Oh boy...it's time for the tagline from Buckley...

BB:  Referee Worthington has the two men shake, calls for the bell...and this one is underway!  These two huge giants, both in stature and reputation, lock it up in a collar-and-elbow tie-up.  Remember, it was on July 25, 1999 at ANNIVERSARY 1999, when Eli Flair defeated Hornet in a controversial match-up to win the IRONMAN of CHAMPIONS and the World Title.  That was after having won and defended various other CSWA titles, including the Intracontinental, Presidential and US over the past six years or so.  Deacon backs Flair into the ropes, and breaks at the referee's behest.  The clean break by Deacon, and now both men are back in the middle of the ring, circling.  They go back into the collar-and-elbow...and this time it's Eli who gets leverage...backing Deacon into the corner...and now he gives a clean break...that's something we rarely see from Eli, even though he's not typically known as a rulebreaker.

SB:  The King of Extreme is just playing by the same rules his competition is using.

BB:  Ivy stands behind one corner on the floor, with Shepherd at the opposite corner...but both are silent as this match gets going.  Inside, Deacon sends Eli across the ring and into the ropes, but Eli gets up for a quick dropkick that rocks the big man.  Eli is quick to his feet...but he seems to be favoring that left leg a bit.  We've heard through the rumor mill that Eli is in dire need of at least two different surgeries to keep his legs from deteriorating.

SB:  I thought the man had 'bionic' knees.

BB:  Yeah, but that's just the joints, Sammy..doesn't help with the tendons and ligaments.

SB:  Thanks "Doctor" Buckley.  

BB:  Deacon backed into the ropes, but he's not down.  Flair comes in with a shoulder to the gut, but Deacon grabs Flair by the throat and tosses him away.  Both men are still on their feet...and now they charge in at each other!  They collide, and both are backed up a few steps.  They hit again....and this time Eli Flair goes down... and he's clutching that left leg.  Deacon steps back and waits for the World Champion to get to his feet.

SB:  That's a mistake...he should be going in for the kill.

BB:  I don't think 'going in for the kill' and 'Deacon' go together in the same sentence.  Flair uses the ropes for leverage and gets to his feet, and now limps back into the center of the ring to face, the seven-foot tall behemoth.  Deacon with a standing switch, puts Flair in a full nelson, but Eli quickly escapes, going behind and sending Deac into the ropes with a big push from behind.  Flair comes off the ropes with a flying leap....BULLDOG!!  I have NO idea how a man with bad legs got into the air high enough to bring the big man down...but he did it!  

SB:  It's called playing possum, Buckley.

BB:  I don't think so, Sammy...that took a lot out of the World Champ, but he stays on the attack.  Deacon gets to his feet...but Flair takes advantage of the bowed head to send him reeling with a reverse neckbreaker!!!  Flair forgoes the cover to hit the ropes and come down with a hard elbow.  Now he hooks the leg!  ONE....... NO!!!!  Deacon presses Eli and sends him halfway across the ring!  I've never seen ANYONE do that to Eli.

SB:  There's a first time for...

BB:  Flair's back on his feet...he charges back across the ring and catches Deacon with a knee lift...but that simply brings the big man to his feet!  Flair backs Deacon into the ropes with a couple of knife edge chops to the chest, but Deacon turns Eli around and whips him to the far side!  Deacon comes across...FLYING BODY PRESS!!!  He's got the leg....ONE.....TWO....NO!!!  Eli uses the momentum to turn him over!  ONE............. TWO..........NO!!!!  We almost had two three-counts there in the span of six seconds!!!  The two big men untangle themselves and roll to opposite sides.  Flair takes a powder outside the ring and confers briefly with Poison Ivy before rolling back up to the apron.  The limp caused by that left leg is becoming more pronounced as we get deeper into this contest.

SB:  I'm telling you...it's all an act.

BB:  Deacon goes to pull Eli back inside from the apron, but gets a shoulder to the gut for his trouble.  Eli dives over top of the doubled-over challenger and hooks in a sunset flip!!  ONE..........TWO........NO!!!  Flair just couldn't overpower Deacon enough to keep the shoulders down, and the challenger rolls to one side.  Deacon extricates himself from the pinfall attempt, and quickly rolls to one knee.  A few feet away, Flair quickly gets to his feet and goes for a swinging neckbreaker...but Deacon blocks the attempt and sends Flair up and over with the back body!!!  Deacon quickly follows up with a leg drop, and then hooks the leg on the winded Flair.  ONE............NO!  Flair gets a leg on the ropes, and Ben Worthington calls for the break.  Deacon pulls up, gets to his feet and stands ready for the World Champion.  But instead of getting to his feet, Flair gets to one knee and somersaults across the ring, getting behind the bigger man!  He clips the knee, and Deacon goes down to one knee.  Flair locks the arms and now he's got a back slide hooked in!!!  ONE........TWO.....NO!!!!!!   Deacon levers out and rolls to the side.  But Flair's not done....he drops an elbow on Deacon, knocking the wind out of the challenger....and now he's going for it!!!  He's got the legs of Deacon......and there's the ELIMINATOR LEGLOCK!!!!  He's got it hooked in....and it's obvious that the formerly-silent Deacon is in tremendous pain!!!

SB:  Yeah, but look at Eli...he's not enjoying it himself.....

BB:  True.  He's putting additional pressure on those already injured legs.  Deacon gets his arms behind him and begins pulling toward the ropes...he's about three inches away from the break if he can pull himself just that much farther.  The Shepherd stands just a couple of feet away issuing encouragement, while Ivy stands across the way yelling instruction to Flair.  But there it is...Deacon grabs hold of the ropes, and now referee Worthington is calling for the break.  But now Flair is reluctant to give up the hold.....Worthington reaches the five-count, and now he's physically trying to pry their legs apart!!!  Flair finally relinquishes the hold, and quickly rolls to the corner to catch his breath.  On the other side, Deacon rolls outside to do the same.

SB:  I'm telling you, Deacon oughta be going after Eli right now...whack him with a chair...do something.

BB:  You just don't get Deacon, do you?  Deacon rolls back inside, and now the ten-count continues on Flair, who is rubbing that left leg while Ivy continues to talk to him.  He rolls back inside at the eight-count...and both men look ready to step things up a notch.  They circle in the middle of the ring one more time...and now the World Champ calls for a test of strength.  Deacon obliges...they lock hands, and just as quickly, Flair is down to one knee.

SB:  What's he thinking?

BB:  Flair with a shoulder to the stomach, and that quickly breaks off the test of strength!

SB:  Oh....that's what he was thinking.

BB:  Flair backs Deacon into the ropes and sends him across.....dropkick by Flair...but nobody's home!!!  Deacon held onto the ropes and dodged the bullet by Flair.  And now Flair is in serious pain...he landed on his left side, aggravating the ongoing injury to that left leg.  But Deacon's on a mission now...he follows in and drops an elbow on the chest, quickly going for the cover.  ONE......NO!  Somehow, Flair continues to find a way to kick out.

SB:  It's called the extra moolah he's making by being the champ...not to mention the psychotic ho train he has a ringside.

BB:  Deacon pulls Flair to his feet and then levels him with a short-arm clothesline.  This time he hooks the leg!  ONE...........TWO..........NO!!!  Flair gets out again!!!  Deacon is up...and he drops another elbow.  He gets up again....another elbow......up again....another elbow!  He hooks the leg!  ONE.............. TWO.................. THREE!!!!   NOOOOOOOO!!!!!   Ben Worthington says Flair got the elbow up!  Deacon pulls Flair to his feet and rockets him into the corner.  He follows in for the elbow....but Flair gets the boot up!!!!!!

SB:  But did you see which leg that was!  He caught him with the left leg....he may have just blown the wheel totally!

BB:  Deacon is down...and Flair collapses on top of him for the cover!  ONE........TWO................ THREE!!!!!!   NOOOOO!!!  Worthington tells Flair that Deacon's foot is on the ropes!  Flair pushes Worthington out of the way and heads for the ropes.  Deacon sits up and quickly climbs to his feet!   Flair hits the ropes and comes across....NO!!  That leg just went out from under him!  He was going to try a flying body press, but the leg collapsed....and Flair falls right at the feet of the challenger.   Deacon hooks the arms and pumps Flair up.......ALTAR CALL!!!   ALTAR CALL!!!   He nailed it!!!  This crowd is on its feet...I can barely hear myself speak!!!  Deacon hooks the leg!   ONE...............................TWO.................................  THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   WE HAVE A NEW CSWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!!!   Deacon has done it!!!  Deacon has won the belt!!!!!!!!   This crowd is on its feet applauding for both men!!!  Deacon is still down on one knee checking on Eli Flair...and now he's calling for the paramedics!   Chris Shepherd and Poison Ivy are all in the ring checking on the condition of Flair.  But it looks like Flair is trying to get up....he leans on Ivy on one side and Deacon on the other...and now Deacon raises his hand along with Eli's.  But Flair limps away to the corner with Ivy, while referee Ben Worthington hands the twenty pounds of gold to the big man and raises the hand of the new World's Heavyweight Champion!!!!  This crowd is still giving a standing ovation to both men.....in fact, as Flair is helped out of the ring...they're chanting his name!!!   This is tremendous....we haven't seen anything like this in a long, long time.  Two men fighting for the right to the World Championship....no interference, no cheap shots....this match is a credit to both these men.  And now Deacon kneels in the center of the ring along with Shepherd, the belt lying on the mat between them, and it looks like they're offering up a prayer.  This crowd is still on its feet....and I'm going to shut up and let you listen to them as we go off the air.  Tomorrow night, Eli Flair takes on Troy Windham, then participates in the WAR GAMES!!!  And for the WORLD Title....Deacon and Eddy Love finally get a chance to step in the ring across from each other!!!  For Sammy Benson and the rest of the CSWA staff and crew, I'm Bill Buckley, saying good night!   We'll see you tomorrow night for DAY TWO of the Thanksgiving Weekend Spectacular '99!!!!!!

(The camera shifts from pictures of Deacon and Shepherd in the ring, slowly standing and hoisting the World Championship, to pictures of the crowd and individual fans continuing their ovation.  On the audio, it's easy to hear thousands of fans chanting in unison....."FAITH IS THE EVIDENCE.")


BEST OF CSWA: SHOWTIME in Seattle Dan Ryan vs. Mark Windham

(ESEN returns from commercial.  A crawl along the bottom of the screen notes that this is a "classic" CSWA match due to technical issues with the live edition of CSWA PRIMETIME.)

BB: Fans, this is Bill Buckley, along with Sammy Benson, joining you for for this big Main Event coming up here on CSWA SHOWTIME. I realize you weren't expecting to see us tonight. And honestly, we weren't expecting to do anything but call an internet broadcast. But anyway, here we are.

SB: I think your kid was about to cry, Buckley. He really wanted to call the Main Event.

BB: I wanted to hear him call it, Sammy. But when the boss calls up and asks us to do something, well, you know how it goes.

SB: No, not really.

BB: Sammy, I don’t know if I can put the night to this point into words.

SB: I can. “Anal fetish.”

BB: How does that even remotely describe what’s happened here tonight? Forget it, I honestly don’t want to know.

SB: Who said I was talking about the card? Or even the goings on of Key Arena? I see big picture Buckley. I’ve got my hand on the pulse of America. Again I say...

BB: Let’s not go there! Once was enough.

SB: Let me ask you something Buckley, and be honest.

BB: Sammy we’re in the midst of a show here. Too much dead air and we’re...

SB: Right on schedule. Don’t be short with me. And this is about the Main Event! Promoting Buckley, setting the stage. It’s a lost art form. For Pete’s Sake don’t I get a chance to HELP the company for a change, or is Sammy Benson destined to remain the hapless drunk who gets off a quasi-witty comment in between breathers.

BB: So...you did get the new memo.

SB: Oh that’s rich.

BB: Kidding Sammy, easy does it. I’m just shocked you have something relevant or beneficial to the match at hand to say. Please continue.

SB: ...Don’t hurt yourself Bill, if you built me up any better I’d be able to run for office.

::Buckley tapes his fingers on the table::

BB: A nation of mind readers aren’t watching this Sammy, if you could do your bit to help the company (coughs) we can move on.

SB: That’s it. I’m not doing it.

BB: Sammy...

SB: Nope.

BB: I’m sorry, really I’d like to hear it.

SB: Forgot what I was going to say. (whistles)

BB: I’m going to count to three...

SB: Okay...so...a few hours ago I’m sneaking through Ryan’s personal bags in the locker room...


SB: Buckley this is my time...for the love of Saint Mary’s University let me have just a smidge of airtime. You’re worse than a woman.

BB: You’re admitting you went through Dan Ryan’s personal bags?

SB: You know hearing that out loud, I can see the potential scenarios where this will end up hurting my career, but at the time...I really couldn’t say no. Yes, I went through Ryan’s bags...and...

BB: This is a lawsuit waiting to happen...

SB: I found The Rod Stewart Box Set.

BB: Yuh-ikes. I knew we had some weird ones back there. Merritt just sorta threw away the entire screening process when he started rehiring a few years ago didn’t he?

SB: Finally! How long have I been saying that? I’m just joking with you Buckley, I didn’t go through his bags. I don’t have a death wish.

BB: Couldn’t pick the lock, huh.

SB: No. That was four installments of $19.95 wasted on Online classes. Curse Canadian technology.

BB: At least we know you’re doing your part to fight terrorism. Ahem.

SB: (singing) And I’m proud to be an American, where at least I know I’m free...

BB: Mercifully we’re ready for the Main Event. “The Ego Buster” Dan Ryan versus Mark Windham for the Unified World Heavyweight title! Ryan as dictated by his BATTLE OF THE BELTS win, gets the shot!

SB: Windham’s had the belt for eleven months. Three of which the CSWA has actively had cards. In essence his reign is a trivia question stumper. I was up for two hours last night trying to figure out where his title reign ranks. True length wise, it’s a nightmare to call. It’s maddening, yet somewhat fitting considering the champion is a bloody nutter.

BB: You know that’s actually a good question.

SB: Good luck sleeping tonight Buckley.

BB: (doing math in his head) Carry the four...times two... blast you Benson!

(lights dim)
(CUEUP: ”X-Files Theme” By Enya)

(CUTTO: CSWAvision. Mark Windham, in black pants, a torn black t-shirt, and a dark green trench coat, walks down a dark alley in a pouring rain. CLOSE-UP on Windham. His dirty blonde hair soaking wet, hangs in his face. He looks into the camera menacingly, then turns and walks off from the camera. As the crowd pops a trail of fire follows Windham’s tracks.)

(CUEUP: “Hurt” by Johnny Cash (a cover of the NIN song))

(CUTTO: Mark Windham 1988. Wrestling Joey Melton in the Merritt Auditorium on the CSWA’s first show.)

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel

(CUTTO: Windham pinning Ed Parsons for the CSWA Championship, 1988.)

I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real

(CUTTO: Windham superplexing Hornet off the top rope, 1990.)

The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

(CUTTO: A bloodied Windham, holding up the US Title for an adoring crowd at FISH FUND PARK, early 90s.)

What have I become?
My sweetest friend

(CUTTO: Bonecrusher, then HEAT powerbombing Windham for the pin, 1993.)

Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

(CUTTO: Mickey Benedict popping Windham over the head with a microphone, Windham falling and Hornet rolling him up for the pin.)

And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

(CUTTO: Hornet throwing the belt over his shoulder as the crowd goes nuts. Windham broods in the background.)

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair

(CUTTO: A burning house.)

Beneath the stains of time
The feeling disappears

(CUTTO: Windham and Hornet joking around backstage, early 90s.)

You are someone else
I am still right here

(CUTTO: Mark and Timmy hugging backstage.)

What have I become?

(CUTTO: Windham blowing out his 30th birthday cake with Jewels, Hornet and assorted friends jeering him on.)

My sweetest friend

(CUTTO: GUNS clotheslining Windham at WINTER’S WARRIORS.)

Everyone I know

(CUTTO: Windham and Jewels kissing at the VIP entrance of an arena. Just inside the door, off to the side, Troy Windham stares blankly at them.)

Goes away in the end

(CUTTO: Troy SlackKnifing Mark at FISH FUND.)

And you could have it all
My empire of dirt

(CUTTO: Windham as The Lost Soul carrying a hurt Poison Ivy out of the Dean Dome at a PRIMETIME in 1997.)

I will let you down

(CUTTO: Windham as the Lost Soul walking down an aisle with Sunshine Del Payne at his side.)

I will make you hurt

(CUTTO: Eli Flair powerslamming Windham in Anaheim.)

If I could start again

(CUTTO: Windham piledriving Troy in Anaheim.)

A million miles away

(CUTTO: Windham jovially drinking beer with Hornet, Troy, Timmy, and MJ Dean at a hotel bar.)

I would keep myself

(CUTTO: Windham, a bloodied mess, in a Wheel of Death Match in the mid-90s.)

I would find a way

(CUTTO: Windham, head down, as the Lost Soul, walking down a hallway alone.)

(music fades)

(CUEUP: Yeah Yeah Yeah’s “Y-Control”)

V/O: At Battle of the Belts a new star was born....

(CUT TO: Dan Ryan powerbombing Kevin Powers from inside the ring to the floor at Battle of the Belts)

V/O: After a controversial entrance to CSWA, Dan Ryan has battled against the one man he came to get vengeance on...

(CUT TO: Dan Ryan standing over Evan Aho holding the GXW Unified World title over his head)

V/O: And against one man who wouldn't let it happen unscathed.

(CUT TO: Dan Ryan brawling with Hornet)

V/O: There have been big triumphs....

(CUT TO: Dan Ryan hitting the Humility Bomb on Evan Aho and getting the pin)

(CUT TO: Dan Ryan drilling Craig Miles with the Humility Bomb at Primetime)

V/O: And disappointments....

(CUT TO: Dan Ryan being powerbombed by Bandit over the top and through a table)

V/O: Can the man who has accomplished everything possible at every other level.....

(CUT TO: A younger Dan Ryan hitting the Humility Bomb on 'Apocalypse' Gabriel Poe and raising his NthWA World title over his head)

(CUT TO: Dan Ryan, Kevin Powers, Gabriel Poe and Rob Sampson standing tall in SCW)

(CUT TO: Dan Ryan holding up the NthWA World Title)

V/O: And endured family tragedy.....

(CUT TO: Ryan winning his first GXW Unified World title over Marcus Johnson, then a shot backstage of Ryan looking at Dupree in horror after hearing in a phone call that his daughter and parents had been killed in a car wreck)

V/O: Come through and win the big prize in front of a National audience??

(CUT TO: Dan Ryan standing tall, arms folded and sunglasses on in the spotlight of an empty darkened CSWA ring)

V/O: Tonight...Dan Ryan gets his shot at Mark Windham...and the CSWA World Championship!!!

(Crowd pops big time.)

(All lights go out and a strobe effect takes over the arena as the opening riffs to "Zero" by Smashing Pumpkins kick in. The words "Ego Buster" flash on the screen in rapid black and white alternating contrast, then are replaced by shots of Dan Ryan in action. The crowd reacts with a roar as Ryan steps out onto the stage wearing long black warmups with his black boots, black elbow pads, black glove on his right hand and sunglasses down over his eyes. Ryan looks out into the crowd and pyro erupts behind him. He raises his arms up and looks down toward the ring. As the lyric "Wanna Go For A Ride?" is sung, he begins to walk to the ring. He approaches and rolls underneath the bottom rope, climbs a nearby turnbuckle and stands still, arms to his side as he looks out into the crowd.)

BB: Listen to this crowd!

SB: As a general rule I try not to...

BB: When was the last time we heard a Main Event get THIS type of reaction?

SB: I dunno, last week when the same canned noise filtered through the sound system. Geez Buckley you’re such a mark.

(The Pumpkins slowly fade out. A second passes before “Personal Jesus” by Depeche Mode kicks in. The mood in Key Arena changes drastically. Boos rain down, waiting for Windham to show. And he does, slowly stepping out onto the stage in white leg-length tights with “Believe In Me” written in red along the sides. Windham’s wearing a bloodied Greatest American Hero sleeveless t-shirt, and the World Title is strapped around his waist. As Mark trots down the aisle, pieces of trash fly at him, missing his head narrowly. Windham walks around the ring, making an anxious Ryan wait, before strategically stepping through the ropes.)

BB: Sammy are you thinking the same thing that I’m thinking?

SB: When did Charlton Heston join the CSWA?

BB: Well, no but that works. I was gonna say...I was gonna say that! Blast you Benson again!

SB: Only one of us can be quasi-witty. Sorry.

(Ryan and Windham eye each other in the ring. The buzz in the air is crazy hot. Something big is about to happen.)

(Bell rings.)

BB: Ryan/Windham for the World Title! Here we go! Collar and elbow tie-up! Both men fighting for position, Ryan snapping Windham into a headlock!!

SB: At this point in your life World Title shots are better than sex, aren’t they? Poor, poor, Mrs. Buckley.

BB: Windham slaps Ryan on the back as Dan grinds the hold harder! Mark...pushing Ryan forward and throwing him into the ropes, Ryan off the ropes, Windham hits the mat, Ryan leaps over, off the ropes...Windham FLYING DROPKICK THAT MISSES! Ryan held on to the ropes!

SB: He’s crafty, this one. Bet he did real well in arts and crafts time back in the First Grade. I’m calling for a DQ if anyone from the crowd tosses Ryan a toothpick! Who knows what he can do with it?!

(Windham up to his feet slowly, nodding in appreciation at Ryan.)

BB: Collar and elbow tie-up again! Windham with the win this time, but RYAN SCOOPS HIM UP, Belly-to-back suplex! Windham HOLDS ON TO THE HEADLOCK!

SB: He was a 4-time all county wrestler in Sweetwater. What that actually proves is still in question, as the only other sport Sweetwater schools offer is women’s softball.

BB: Windham now clamping down on the lock...trying to cut off the blood flow!

SB: If he does it, we’ll have a lawsuit and a contract with Court TV for two years! Go Mark Go!


(Fans cheer, they haven’t sat down yet.)

BB: Dan quickly back to his feet, BELLY-T0-BACK...Windham holds! Dan to his feet again! BELLY-TO-BACK...WINDHAM hangs on barely! Ryan to his feet one more time!! BELLY-TO-BACK!! And the World Champion flops over, clutching his back!

SB: That nix the blood flow trick rarely works, Buckley. Surprised Windham tried to go with it for as long as he did.

(Ryan jumps to his feet and SPEARS Windham who falls through the middle ropes!)

BB: OHMY! The World’s champion just took a tumble outside! He’s to his feet and stalking the floor, Sammy what action here to start!

(Windham gets in the face of a fan who’s taunting him and slaps the beer out of his hand.)

SB: Sorry if I nod off at any point in the match I’m just trying to figure out Windham’s actual title reign length..

BB: Mark turns around and RYAN FAKES JUMPING OVER THE APRON! Windham hit the mat just in case, but this time Ryan does leap off...DOUBLE AXEHANDLE! Windham on his rear again!

(Ryan scoops up Windham, BELLY-TO-BACK SUPLEX)

BB: BELLY-TO-BACK SUPLEX!!! This time on the hard, cold, floor of Key Arena! Ryan proving a point early in the getting there.

(Windham reaches for his left shoulder.)

SB: It’s over ninety days I think....

BB: Sammy! (Ryan holds out Windham’s left arm, and drives an elbow through his shoulder) OH! Ryan punishing the World Champion! Windham with a left jab, Ryan with a right, Windham with a left, Ryan right, Windham left, Ryan right, Windham staggering....STANDING DROPKICK that takes Ryan down! Mercy!


(Windham rolls back into the ring to stop the lax count.)

(Ryan getting to his feet.)

BB: Mark jumps on the security railing then flies off, BULLDOG ONTO THE RINGSIDE STEPS! Always one of the hardest hitting guys in CSWA history...Windham known to physically wear down his opponents.

(Mark sets up for a piledriver.)

SB: He’s known for a lot more. Least of which a bad temper, and questionable tax returns.

BB: A PILEDRIVER ON THE FLOOR, THIS COULD END RYAN’S CAREER RIGHT HERE! Mark No! RYAN FLIPS WINDHAM OVER! (Mark hits with a Thud, and immediately grabs the shoulder.)

SB: The Flying Windham’s! Ryan said in the promos leading up to his match he wanted to see it! It’d sell I promise you Buckley!

(Dan rolls Mark back into the ring.)

BB: Ryan elevates to the top rope, SPRINGBOARD LEGDROP!! New Champ! New Champ! ONE.....TWO......TH-NO! Windham kicked out...but a half second at that.

SB: This isn’t American Idol Buckley, we don’t judge to win. It’s three or nothing.

BB: RELEASE DRAGON SUPLEX! Ryan..ONE....TWO.....NO! Mark’s close to falling, Sammy! He’s out. Ryan whips Mark into the ropes and against the ring, Ryan ducks down backdrop attempt, Windham slows and KICKS RYAN HARD!

(As Ryan staggers, Windham jumps back into the ropes to get momentum, then leaps across the ring...)

BB: LARIAT! WESTERN LARIAT BY WINDHAM! The champ to retain, ONE.....TWO.....T-NO! No sir!

SB: Oddly enough the Lariat hasn’t pinned anyone in ten years. Just FYI. I like to think of myself as helpful if anything.

BB: Mark rolls Ryan over, grabs the legs...BOSTON CRAB! He’s weakening that lower back now! Setting up for the Torture Rack!

SB: He can set up all he wants...but Ryan is a hoss...I can’t imagine the Torture Rack doing it, Buckley. An extra sharp butter knife hidden well, may, however.

(Mark leans back for more leverage. Ryan screams out in pain, but shakes off Ben Worthington’s question to give.)

BB: Center of the ring, Windham wants a submission right here! Worthington asks again, but Ryan as expected says NO!

SB: That’s the Sunday school version.

BB: Thank you for showing restraint.

(Ryan yanks his legs towards his body, knocking Windham off balance, as Mark stumbles, Dan twists around, reaches for Mark’s head and rolls him up.)

BB: WHAT A MOVE! ONE...........TWO....NO! Mark with a quick LARIAT to the back! Ryan’s hurt, Sammy. Windham has maimed his prey in the early going!

(Mark hooks in the Sharpshooter.)

SB: That’s it Buckley hit that National Geographic note. Irritant.

BB: Sharpshooter! Nobody could blame Ryan for folding the tent right here!

(Ryan hangs his head in pain and disgust, Windham settles in position.)

SB: Please. We all know this sports blacklists those who say the words “I Quit.” We’d all rather see a man die in ring than quit. Let’s be honest about that!

BB: Won’t agree OR disagree Sammy. What I will say though is Day Ryan is in to his neck. Mark’s got good position...the sharpshooter is a move that has won matches recently!

SB: Yeah, and to further stroke Hornet’s ego he repeatedly makes it known that he taught that move to Windham. Last I heard he was trying to file for a patent. Only Hornet.

(Ryan grimacing a great deal, reaches for the bottom rope which is ten feet away. Struggling he inches closer.)

(Crowd reacts as Ryan shows life.)

BB: Dan Ryan’s not done! Trying his damnedest to get to that bottom rope, break the hold and regroup!

(Key Arena is rocking!! Fans stomping their feet in unison.)

SB: He’s inspired the irritants. We’re nearing a revolt any minute. Oh the horror!

BB: Ryan’s closer!! Inching closer...Mark holding on the best he can!

(Crowd clapping together. Tearing the roof off.)

BB: Two feet away!! Ryan’s back has to be tearing in two...but he’s reaching...struggling to find a moment of peace!!

SB: Best of luck to him, really. Working for this company he won’t find anything but a bunch of ungrateful hypocrites.

(CUTTO: Camera shot closest to Ryan. His hand inches away, shaking as it nears the rope.)

BB: Ryan head down, his back is gone Sammy! He’s gotta break now! He’s got to!!! Ryan...REACHING.....YES!!!

(Fans erupt)

SB: Down you people, down!

BB: Worthington calls for the break, but Windham YANKS Ryan out from the corner! (After pulling Ryan five feet away, Windham quickly reaches for the left shoulder.)

SB: HA! I love it when these fools get excited over nothing!

BB: Windham drops the hold! That shoulder isn’t right, Mark not to waste time, jumps back with an ELBOW DROP, BUT RYAN MOVES OUT OF THE WAY! Ryan shoots to his feet, LEGDROP! New champ I can feel it, ONE...T-NO!

(Ryan kneels over Mark and pounds away.)

SB: Don’t play sides Buckley!

BB: You do it all the time!

SB: ....Must you always have a point?

BB: Ryan leads Windham to his feet, DOUBLE-ARM POWERBOMB!! He lifts Mark up...

(As Mark is in the air his feet wrap around Ryan’s head, and his right arm grabs the top rope. He pulls himself over the ropes, flipping Ryan as he goes.)

BB: That was a nasty spill! Ryan’s left arm landed awkwardly. Let’s hope it’s okay!

(CUTTO: Instant Video Replay. Windham as he is boosted in the air, eyes the rope, grabs it and takes them both over. Ryan’s left arm upon hitting, buckles but appears not to break.)

SB: Why? I wanna see it break. Let’s see if Harrison Ford’s performance was really Oscar worthy. Ryan as the one-armed man, ready...and action.

BB: Windham stomping away at a fallen challenger! How many careers has the World Champion ended on the outside! Where’s Troy? Where’s Troy Windham after Anaheim? Ryan has to get this back inside.

SB: He darned near wiped out the Roiter family, but really that was community service.

(Mark walks away from Ryan to hunt for a chair. He finds one, but Ben Worthington fights him for it.)

BB: That’s it Ben! YES!

(CUTTO: Close-up of Windham and Worthington.)

MARK WINDHAM: Back off you piece of (BLEEP).

(Ryan charges at Windham, Mark sees it in time, steps out of the way and pulls Worthington in the line of fire. Ryan accidentally SPEARS the ref.)

BB: No! Ben...

SB: Why didn’t you tell me? Hahaha. I don’t see Benny Boy powering out of that one. Pin him Ryan, Pin him and take his belt. Haha.

BB: Quiet you fool. The Champ with a chair...(SFX: WHACK!) The Ego Buster down in a heap! Windham laughs. Clearly this match now, playing right into his hands!

(Fans are going nuts. Hating on Windham.)

BB: Windham...sets Ryan up...mercy...the piledriver! Mark! Mark come on!

(As Windham starts to lift...a drunk fan, about two-fifty, clears the railing and jumps on Windham’s back.)

SB: Oh great...here comes another “this is why you stop serving after the second match” speech.

BB: Guys we’ve got a security issue here...never like to see this...Mark though...fighting to handle it...clubbering the guy with right hands...now Mark...PILEDRIVER ON THE FAN!

SB: Stupidity rarely pays, Buckley.


(The fan is folded in two against the railing, as the people in the front row laugh their heads off.)

BB: Mark spins around...RYAN’S UP...SUPERKICK!

(Ryan follows up with the chair. SFX: WHACK!)

BB: Windham’s split open! A small cut has opened over his forehead. Ryan’s alive and well! Dan Ryan whips the World Champ back first into the ring apron!

(Windham grabs his back and screams out in pain.)


(Ryan reaches under the ring and eases out a table.)

SB: Do we need to get someone down here and check Worthington’s pulse? Maybe that’s the first step here in restoring order to this match. But hey...that’s just me.

BB: Oddly enough Sammy I agree.

(Ryan has the table set up. He turns to go for Windham but Windham clubs him with two hands.)

SB: It’s so sweet when we make-up.

BB: Mark surprises Ryan! He lays Ryan across the table...

(Windham stops, eyeing Worthington. He looks at Ryan then looks at Ben, still not moving.)

SB: I think, not to directly steal from Shane Southern, the party is over.

(Mark takes the World Title from a ring-hand and heads up the aisle shaking his head.)

BB: He’s getting out of dodge! The World Champion is leaving the scene!

SB: Can you blame him? If Worthington is dead, if he stayed...he’d just have to stick around for questioning.

(Crowd jumps all over Windham.)

(CUTTO: Close-up of Mark, blood pouring down his face. He looks back again and shakes his head.)

MARK WINDHAM: (To camera) The belt’s not staying on the line in these conditions. F’king joke Merritt. (Windham coughs, then spits out a tooth.)

BB: Is this over? Sammy..

SB: Don’t look at me...

(Fans pop huge.)

(As Windham shrugs off the fans, Dan Ryan chases him up the aisle then LEVELS him with a chair shot.)

BB: Ryan votes that we GO ON!

SB: How many times do I have to tell you, this is not your personal time to play out your reality TV fantasies. Nobody votes!

BB: Ryan short left jabs digging at Windham’s cut! Blood gushing from the World champ, Ryan himself bleeding from the left temple somewhat!

(Key Arena is rocking, like it never has before.)

BB: Dan Ryan scoops up Mark Windham and starts jogging with him over his shoulder UP THE AISLE! RYAN TO THE STAGE, POWERSLAM!

(Huge reaction. Windham’s body twitches. Ryan covers the Champ.)

FANS: 1...............2....................3!


BB: Ryan is pumped! Impressive display of power!

(Ryan runs through the entrance and out of sight.)

QUICK CUTTO: Ben Worthington. A few ring-hands trying to bring him around.

(Windham’s not moving. The roof is being blown off. Everybody senses it. Title Change.)

BB: Did Ryan leave himself? We’ve gotta get another Ref down here and restart this...

(Ryan returns with a Ladder.)

SB: Okay, I’ll be the one to say it if I have to. BAR THE DOOR KATIE!

BB: (As Ryan sets up the ladder to the delirious crowd.) Is Worthington in any condition to finish this match? Merritt, we need an official ruling ASAP!

(Ryan climbs the ladder. With each step the noise level kicks a notch. Finally up top, Dan spreads his arms out, the ladder wobbles a touch, but Ryan regains balance. Windham out of nowhere jerks to his left and KICKS THE LADDER. Ryan falls to the stage!)

BB: High-risk...and Ryan got burned! Windham’s not going out without a fight! Can anyone tell if Worthington is BREATHING?

SB: Time Of Death: 10:36.

BB: Stop!

(CUTTO: Close-up of Windham, right eye shut because of the blood trickling down his face.)

BB: Windham a hurried IMPLANT DDT! He might not have gotten all of that one, but the Champ got enough I can promise you that!

(Mark sets up the ladder.)

SB: I smell something. Oh, that’s foul. Tell me Ben didn’t croak and mess himself as he went?

BB: Sammy...geez. Mark...climbing the Ladder! (As Windham climbs the crowd grows more anxious with every step.) If Mark can hit from here...

SB: Flying Windham Brothers! Ryan has a gift!

(Ryan struggles to his feet, he looks up, Windham flies off...)

BB: BULLDOG FROM THE TOP OF THE LADDER!! (Windham and Ryan are carried off the stage and hit a stack of two tables below the ascended stage.) OHMY!

(Crowd gasps. Showing their pleasure by moaning and climbing over one another to see the carnage.)

SB: We have confirmation Worthington knows what day it is!

(CUTTO: Close-up on Ryan/Windham. Broken tables between them. Ryan out of it, Windham rolling around clutching his left shoulder.)

WINDHAM: Oh (BLEEP). (groans) (BLEEP)
RYAN: You son of (BLEEP)

BB: That move might have finished both men for the night!

SB: Great, let’s go eat!

(For two minutes both Ryan and Windham barely move. Finally Windham makes it to his feet and leads Ryan through the side curtains.)

BB: Windham’s taken Ryan out of sight! Marvin can we get a crew back there? Or at least some word on whether this match is going to go on?

SB: You’re asking Marvin for direction? The man is a Parsons. It’s a wonder he dresses himself every morning.

CUTTO: Ben Worthington. Sitting in a chair, drinking a cup of water. He’s dazed, confused, hating life right about now.)

BB: Yes? Okay. Great. We’ve got a beat on...

(CUTTO: In the back, Windham leads Ryan into a small office room. File cabinets, a few posters of Brent Barry and Rashad Lewis, and a beautiful oval wooden desk surrounded by eight black leather chairs. Windham and Ryan look worse for wear.)

BB: We got’em! Where in the world... (Mark kicks a chair out of the way and fires Ryan head first into the table!) OH! Windham moving furniture around...laying Ryan out on the table!

SB: Truthfully this beats the movie I saw on T.V. last night.

BB: Don’t Sammy! Mark elbow drops Ryan! The Ego Buster bleeding freely now. This has turned into a mess!

(Windham jumps on the table, he sets Ryan up for the piledriver.)


SB: Good Grief. I’m spent.

Fans watching on CSWAvision roar in approval.)

BB: That was the most insane thing I’ve ever seen. And I work with some pretty dumb people.

SB: Buckley?! Niiiiiiiiiice.

(CUTTO: A pissed Dan Ryan storming to the camera.)

RYAN: Get the (BLEEP) out of here. My ass is about to go to work.

(Ryan jabs at the camera and the feed is lost.)

(CUTTO: Wide shot of Key Arena.)

(Fans beside themselves. Best thing to hit Seattle since Ichiro.)

BB: Well...

SB: Cue up World’s Scariest Police Chases. We need filler.

(CUTTO: Worthington up walking around gingerly, nodding to people he’s okay.)

(CUTTO: A group of fans, mid-twenties, some in Troy Windham shirts, others dressed like Eli Flair, having a ball. Giving thumbs up, tongues out, marking in front of the cameras.)

BB: Folks I guess that’s the card. Hell at this point I don’t even know.

(A minute passes as Buckley and Benson ponder whether they’re supposed to wrap up or not.)

BB: Wait. We’ve got’em again. GO! MARVIN GO NOW!

(CUTTO: The bowels of Key Arena. Ryan holding Windham by the hair walking through a horde of people, past the ‘Gateway’ signs, merchandising booths, and consession stands. Windham is bloodier than when they were in the office. As Ryan marches through the see of people, the group grows, every fan loving every minute of it.)

SB: If they stop to sign autographs during this I’ll be impressed.

BB: Ryan tosses Windham in front of him, and Mark rolls over the floor. This has turned into a war!

(CUTTO: Close-up of Windham on his knees. Ryan pounds a right first into his skull.)

WINDHAM: Repent Ryan!

(Dan hits Mark again, harder this time.)

WINDHAM: Give in to me.

(Another right.)

WINDHAM: Beg for forgiveness.

(Two rights.)

WINDHAM: Believe in me, Danny. Believe in me.

(A series of right hands. Each blow drawing a bigger pop from the growing crowd around them.)

WINDHAM: I..give in Danny. In man I now place my trust.

RYAN: (A left. Windham smiling afterwards.) C’mere freak.

(Ryan drags Mark to his feet and whips him back first into a merchandising stand.)

(CUTTO: Close-up on fans, bugging out.)

(Ryan reaches for a T-shirt that says: “I Married Joey Melton And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt.” Dan shoves part of the shirt down Mark’s throat.)

BB: Are we on? Marvin do we have audio?

SB: Marv...your moms was great last night.

BB: We’re on? Great.

SB: Doh!

(Ryan hooks Windham and goes for a suplex but Mark blocks it with his left leg. Windham hooks Ryan and hoists him up.)

BB: Folks we apologize...WINDHAM VERTICAL SUPLEX! I don’t see how either of these men are standing.

(Windham rips part of the paneling off the merchandising stand and cracks it over Ryan’s head, breaking it in two!)

(Pop from inside the arena.)

SB: Is that an Evan Aho action figure?

BB: Sammy I think it is...and Windham is digging at Ryan’s cut with it. Opening The Ego Buster even more. Man alive.

(Mark kicks at a fan who got too close. Waits for Ryan to get to his feet, then jumps at him and sinks in the IRON CLAW.)


SB: But could he end the match right now? Settle.

(Windham makes his way through a crowd of people towards a consession stand, as Ryan tries to fight it off.)

BB: It’s a staple move of Windham’s career...the Iron Claw! Ryan again in deep!

(Mark with his left leg pushes on the back of Ryan’s left knee, causing Ryan to go to one knee. Windham leans over Dan, and sinks the Claw in deeper. Blood rushing down Ryan’s face.)

WINDHAM: Come on Danny! Give in to me. Give in...

(Ryan buries a fist into Mark’s gut. Windham pulls Ryan up and with two hands throws him over the consession stand counter, nearly hitting a worker who refused to stop counting change.)

BB: Has any good EVER come in a CSWA match from fighting in consession stands?

SB: No. I’d like to say yes, but no.

(Windham slowly rolls over the counter. He drops an elbow over Ryan’s head, then slams him face first into the Popcorn Machine!)

BB: We’ve seen that before!

SB: I love it. A violent plug for the CSWA ANNIVERSARY 15 video package!

(Windham takes the popcorn scooper, kneels beside Ryan and digs into his forehead, as Popcorn shoots everywhere.)

BB: For those of you watching at home...this is why LIVE CSWA action comes before the Lion King on DVD.

(Windham sets Ryan up...PILEDRIVER onto the floor!)

BB: WINDHAM FINALLY HIT IT! Ryan’s neck may be---

(Ryan pops right up, having blocked most of the impact with his hands upon hitting the floor, and as a smug Windham turns around Ryan SUPERKICKS the Champion.)

BB: Ohmy! Can you...

SB: Feeel the lovvvvvvvvve.

BB: Ryan sends Windham head first into the drink machine! Once...Twice....Three times.....a fourth! (Windham’s head rests up against the Coke lever, pouring Coke all over his head.)

SB: LOOK AT THE FANS BUCKLEY! They’re looting the Jr. Mints and Skittles boxes! Madness I tell you, Madness!

BB: Ryan...has got the Popcorn scooper! YOU’VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!

(As Ryan jabs the scooper at Windham’s head, the feed is lost again.)

(CUTTO: Wide-shot of Key Arena.)


SB: He comes from bad stock...I mentioned that before.

BB: Fans...we’re almost out of time. This is crazy!

SB: At least Worthington was killed. Ryan or Windham may be, but Ben at heart is a good man.

(Place erupts.)

BB: What NOW?!

(CUTTO: Ryan and Windham fighting in the crowd. Second deck, both men pushed up against the four-foot cement wall. Windham with the CLAW AGAIN.)

BB: Windham won’t be denied! This is a street fight...and what does it say about me that I’m loving every minute of it?

SB: It says you’re an American. God bless ya.


SB: Better him than me. For taking out Troy Windham big brother is getting what he deserves! It’s judgment night in Seattle Buckley.

(Ryan, broken, battered, his face a crimson mask, raises one hand in the air to the crowd. Crowd chants: “RYAN! RYAN! RYAN!)

(CUTTO: Benson and Buckley’s post. Both men sweating in complete disbelief.)

BB: I....fans. I...Sammy....

SB: Holy (BEEP) Buckley. Just say it.

BB: We gotta cut away... (fans pop big) NO MORE! NO MORE!

(CUTTO: Dan Ryan on the lower level seven steps from reaching the security railing. As he steps closer the fans reach out and hug him...a hero is born.)

BB: Ryan’s been torn in two, but he’s a fighter I’ll give him that.

SB: He left Windham for dead. In my book, that boy is all right.

(Ryan raises his hand in the air and YELLS. As the crowd gives a mad pop, an insanely pissed Windham leaps from behind Ryan and tackles Dan, sending him crashing down chest first into the security railing! The impact of the blow sends Windham rolling over Ryan’s back and the security railing. A teenage fan caught half of it, and is crumpled below Ryan. A second later we see the kid’s left arm twisted in the wrong direction. A bad break.)


SB: See...all this just served to piss the man off. This won’t be pretty. I’ve seen it too many times.

(fans boo unmercifully)

(Windham suspends Ryan halfway over the railing and wails away madly, hitting his back at will.)

BB: Enough is enough. This has gone too far.

(Windham yanks Ryan over the railing.)

SB: A minute ago you were loving it!


(Mark sends Ryan back first into the Iron Post.)

BB: Look at the look on the World Champ’s face. He’s lost his mind, Sammy. This isn’t a game. Mark Windham is nuts!

(Windham pulls the table Ryan set up earlier over to him, then lays Ryan over it.)

SB: I’ve called the man’s sanity into question the last ten years, but only now...are you willing to jump aboard the ship. Pfft!

(Mark, to the chagrin of the crowd, climbs on the apron and backs up. As the fans boo louder, Windham spits at them and climbs to the middle rope.)

BB: Get security out here! A man’s career is in a lunatic’s hands...OHMYSWEETMOTHER!!

(Buckley reacts to the Moonsault Windham just did to send Ryan crashing through the table.)

SB: Never seen that before.

BB: Mark Windham...mercy me. This shouldn’t be happening right now.

(Windham rolls Ryan back in the ring. After pulling Dan leg-first to the iron post, Mark kicks the remnants of the table away.)

BB: You’ve got to be kidding me!? Mark...FIGURE FOUR AROUND THE IRON POST!

(Ryan SCREAMING in pain.)

SB: Perhaps had you and say, Merritt, gotten on board with me years ago, none of this would be happening right now.

BB: The World Champion pulling on legs for leverage...he’s going to snap one of Ryan’s knees right here!

(A gamy, sweat-soaked Ben Worthington walks over to Windham and counts for him to break it. 1....2.....3....)


SB: You would have thought the dead giveaway would be the fact that we’re still on the air...

BB: Mark looks at Worthington like he’s lost his mind...but then has to break! LORD TAKE ME NOW I’VE SEEN IT ALL!

(Fans blow the roof again at Worthington restoring order.)

SB: I told you Ben was a good man. And you were ready to let him die... it would’ve been Carl Young all over again.

(Windham incredulously stares at Ben then shoves Worthington in the chest. Worthington, curls his lips and SHOVES BACK to the delight of the crowd. Mark grabs Ben by the shirt, but Worthington mouths off to him, warning him he’ll end the match.)

BB: That a boy Ben!

SB: Yeah, let’s encourage the man to piss the Psycho off further. THAT’s a good move.

(As Ben counts Windham out, Mark smiles then climbs back in the ring.)

BB: Over thirty minutes from the start of this match, we’re back in the ring! Unreal! I’m glad we got our commercial breaks in early! Windham...props Ryan up in the corner, steps on the middle turnbuckle and raises up. Windham firing right hands away at Ryan’s already busted open head!

(Mostly boos, but some people count...1..2...3..4..as Mark delivers blows.)

SB: They can count. Whoohoo.

(Ryan hooks the legs of Windham, then powers out of the corner, holding Windham up by the legs, and hitting the middle of the ring.)

BB: ATOMIC DROP BY RYAN! NO!! Windham blocked it, STANDING LARIAT AND RYAN’S DOWN AGAIN! OHMYGAWD! Sammy, Ryan’s back gave out...he couldn’t bend low enough to finish the thought out.

SB: I admire the attempt. In all honesty.

BB: Windham, to a cascade of boos, signals for the end...he props Ryan up...Sammy this could be the Torture Rack!

(Windham throws one of Ryan’s arms over his shoulders, then lifts Dan up...)

SB: IT IS, BUCKLEY! You’re a genius! Of course, you’ll never hear those words come out of my mouth again.


(As Windham tries to ‘rack’ Ryan a third time his shoulder gives out, and on impulse, he drops Ryan. Ryan lands on his feet and instinctively reaches back, grabs Mark’s hair, and pulls him a foot back.. DROPPING WINDHAM WITH A REVERSE NECKBREAKER!)

(Biggest POP in Key Arena history.)

BB: Ryan’s back in the game! I don’t believe it!

(Ryan, too tired to signal for anything, stands Mark up, and sets up.)


(Even bigger POP.)


SB: Good Mother Of Goo.

BB: Worthington hits the mat! NEW CHAMPION..AFTER ALL THIS? OMHYGAWD! (Ryan barely finds the strength to cover Windham.) ONE (Worthington’s hand hits the mat)....

(As Ben’s hand is half way down for TWO, the house LIGHTS GO OFF.)

(The show is in complete darkness.)

(Flash bulbs go off, as they do we see Worthington’s hand hit for TWO.)

(A few more Flashes, the outline of Worthington’s hand coming down is hardly visible.)


SB: Buckley, I pray that’s your hand on my leg and not...my own.

(House lights come back UP.)

(Ryan’s to his feet, Worthington leaps up.)

BB: We had a power outage of some sort...what---

(Worthington lunges for Dan Ryan’s hand, then raises it in the air.)

SB: Benny Boy is calling for the title!!

(Fans see that Worthington is declaring Ryan the winner and wet themselves.)

BB: That pin happened? What? In the dark? How could he see? (Worthington awards the belt to Ryan, as fans go nuts.) WE’VE GOT A NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! WE’VE GOT A NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION HERE IN THE CSWA! TITLE CHANGE! TITLE CHANGE! I don’t believe it!

(As Windham wearily makes it to his knees holding the back of his neck, Ryan, belt in hand jumps out of the ring.)

(CUTTO: Ryan on the outside, a bloodied warrior raising his arms in victory, belt touching his lips, as the fans roar with their approval.)

BB: Sammy... Dan Ryan becomes the newest man to hold the biggest title in this sport.

(Windham to his feet, understands what’s going on and begins to react horribly.)

SB: Beats all I’ve ever seen. Two words Buckley to sum up this night...

BB: Sammy....

SB: Holy (BLEEP).

(Ryan is mobbed by a handful of fans as he makes his way up the aisle, beaming gloriously. Worthington, aided by two paramedics, edges past him.)

(CUTTO: Buckley and Benson’s post. Windham is kicking at the security railing and jawing with the fans makes his way over. He’s....not.....happy.)

WINDHAM: Buckley what the (BEEP)?

BUCKLEY: Mark...Ben counted it...

WINDHAM: Counted what?? I had my (BEEP) shoulder up at two! What the (BEEP) is going on!? Get (BEEP) Merritt down here right (BEEP) NOW!

BENSON: It looked clean to me...Psycho.

(Windham stares down Benson, then slaps the headset off him. As Sammy jolts back, Mark reaches for him, pulls him over the post and throws him to the ground. Crowd goes silent. Windham sets up, POWERBOMB! Benson misses the table and hits square on the concrete floor.)

(Everyone is in shock. A horrified Buckley throws off his headset and shoots up.)

BUCKLEY: That’s Sammy, you... (Buckley starts wailing away at Windham.)

(Windham knees him in the gut, then DDT’s Buckley. Windham takes off Buckley’s belt, and rips off Bill’s shirt.)

(Stunned silence as Windham whips Buckley with his own belt repeatedly.)

(CUTTO: Close-up shot of Windham eyeing the camera. Hair blood red, his face bruised and sweating blood, some his and some of it Ryan’s. Windham opens his mouth, his teeth dripping crimson as well.


(CUTTO: Backstage. Dan Ryan, CSWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE slung over his shoulder, walks down a hallway propped up against a white wall...as Ryan walks by he leaves a blood trail behind him, smeared on the wall.)

(Ryan drops to his knees, unable to go on. He eyes the World Title in his hands. It’s really his. He laughs. Then looks up to the heavens and points.)


Richmond Take Two

(53 minutes after first losing the feed a shaken Bill Buckley returns to the screen.)

BB: Fans we apologize for what’s happened tonight. Apparently there was a small explosion in our main television truck and we were unable to uplink to our…

JM: Don’t say mothership, Buckley.

BB: I was going to say satellite.

JM: Was there a storm overhead? Did that cheap bastard Hornet only pay for DIRECTV? That happens to me at home and I hate it.

BB: Our sincerest apologies fans. This has never happened in our history and can’t frankly I don’t know what to say.

JM: The real shame here is some of my best material was wasted. It’s nights like this that I hate clean living.

BB: Fans, as you can see the Greensboro Championship Ironman match is underway in the ring.  We're fifteen minutes in and Cameron Cruise is up two falls to one on Kevin Watson!

JM: **** Buckley, I did twenty minutes on how much I wanted to tear the back end out of Alana Troy and now you’re telling me about the same amount of cable households that watch “Dance Moms” will eventually see this too? You should have stopped me!


JM: Hmph. I don’t remember that at all...

BB: This is a battle of former CSWA champions, and it shows.  Cameron Cruise was the final Presidential Champion in the CSWA before the events of FISH FUND XIV, and Kevin Watson was the final Greensboro Champ.  Both of these men know what it takes to win the gold.

JM: They also know how to take a...

BB: Don't say it!  Watson has Cruise on the mat in a facelock, and it looks like Cruise might be fading!

JM: Don't be fooled, Bill. Cam has that "retarded stare" down pat.

BB:  I think you mean "far away stare," Joey.

JM: No, no I really didn't.

BB: Cards and letters can be sent to...  Cruise reaches the ropes, and Watson is immediately up to his feet.  He's running out of time here if we wants to take the new Greensboro title.  Watson sends Cruise into the ropes... big clothesline!  Cruise to his feet... ENZIGURI from Watson!  The cover!

JM: He's got him1

BB: ONE... TWO.... THREE!!!  NO!  No!  Referee Ben Worthington says it was only a two-count.  Cruise powers out and rolls to his feet.  Watson tries a clothesline, but Cruise ducks it and sends K-Dub into the ropes chest-first.  Belly-to-back suplex by Cruise, who then simply rolls away.

JM: Cam knows he's up one pinfall here and he's going to protect his lead.  Watson's going to have to make something happen here.

BB: Cam rolls off the apron to the outside, but here comes Watson.  BASEBALL SLIDE!  Cruise hits the ringside barricade hard, while Watson rolls outside, grabs his trunks and flings him back in!

RHUBARB JONES:  One minute! One minute remains!

BB: Short arm clothesline by Watson, but Cruise rolls away from the pin.  Watson with a handful of hair, pulls Cruise to his feet and sends him into the ropes again.  Germain suplex!  He bridges!

JM: Not gonna happen!

BB:  ONE....TWO... NO!  Cameron Cruise kicks out.  But Watson is on fire.  He pulls Cruise up again, but Cruise pulls away, hits the ropes and holds on!  The crowd is counting down, and Cameron Cruise is going to win this Ironman match and the Greensboro Championship!

JM:  Only Cam can make going from the Presidential to the Greensboro title look good.

BB:  It looks like Watson is conceding this one with the time left.  He holds out his hand to congratulate Cruise.  Cruise takes a step towards him...


BB:  SUPERKICK!  SUPERKICK by Kevin Watson!  Can he get the pin in time?  ONE.... TWO.... THREE!!!  Watson gets the pin and this match is tied up two falls apiece!  But Watson isn't done!  TAP OUT SUPLEX!  He suplexed Cruise over and now has him in that modified Cobra Clutch! 

JM:  Did Worthington even start things back up?

BB:  He's asking Cruise if he wants to give, because Cameron can't tap out in this position.  Kevin Watson may become the new Greensboro...

(SFX:  Bell rings)

BB:  The referee is telling Rhubarb Jones to announce this one to the crowd as a time-limit draw.  I assume that means we still don't have a Greensboro Champion!

JM:  I'll take the belt home with me tonight.  I think it's the only one I never won.  Or did I?

BB: Again fans, we're so sorry for the technical difficulties tonight.  We're out of time on the live broadcast, but please watch TheCSWA.com to find out when and where you can see tonight’s broadcast, but as the world of Twitter has blown up with the news out of Richmond tonight, we’ll go ahead and tell you TEAM VIAGRA and The North Carolina Bear Project head to ANNIVERSARY in the Finals of the Tag Tournament. And we'll update you on what is next with the Greensboro Championship! Please join us next week in Chattanooga for VERSUS. Goodnight from Richmond!

JM: Hey look Buckley the titanic just pulled up.

BB: Don't.  Just... don't.


Blame a Parsons, An Angel Gets Its Wings

Marvin Parsons has been yelled at many times in his life.  But never quite like this, and never by Hornet.

Well... there was that one time two decades ago when he helped kidnap the then-CSWA superstar.

But he's definitely never been yelled at by "CSWA owner" Hornet.

The events of the evening in Richmond are an unwelcome reminder of the final days of the CSWA three years ago when the Hacker was wreaking havoc and causing the company to lose its television deal.

"But, Hornet, we..."

Nothing he can say is going to calm down the irate owner.  The television deal with ESEN has heavy penalties if the company doesn't deliver on its obligations for both live and pre-taped content.

And there was nothing they could do.  The feed was cut further up the chain to the network, not from the truck.  Marvin tries to jump in and explain, but Hornet's too busy talking about the "Parsons luck" and "maybe if he wasn't daydreaming about Elvis."

Marvin keeps nodding, but in his head he's already started backtracking how he and his staff might have been able to stop the issue from happening in the first place.  He'd have to go through it with Ivy, but he can't come up with anything that would have made a difference.

This time was supposed to be different.  This time was supposed to be easier.  Apparently the "new" CSWA was going to have to learn how to walk before it could run.

To Hate This Way Is To Be Happy Forever

(CUTTO: The inside of a beautiful hotel suite. A 72 inch LED TV hung on the wall rolls with the credits from the CSWA disaster in Richmond.)

MAN V/O: To the last, I will grapple with thee... from Hell's heart, I stab at thee! For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee!

(The TV shuts off.)

MAN V/O: I've done far worse than kill you, Paul. I've hurt you. And I wish to go on hurting you. I shall leave you as you left me, as you left him; marooned for all eternity in the center of a dead planet... buried alive! Buried alive...!

(A cell phone RINGS.)

MAN V/O: Yes?

(CUTTO: Outside of the Pensacola Civic Center by the fleet of CSWA production trucks. We see a bevy of activity by the area, lots of panic and raised voices…still.)

(CUTTO: One hundred feet from the scene, a dark figure leans up against a fence. We can’t make out his face, but he seems distant and cold.)

DF: (on cell) Only half of the money transferred into my account. I’m not playing games here.

MAN: That’s not your history. You love games.

DF: I’ll shut this do—

(SFX: Sound notification from his phone.)

MAN: I needed to see if you had the stones to go through with it.

DF: You promised me he’d suffer... and I love a show above anything.

MAN: You’ll have one.

DF: What’s next?

MAN: We bring that smug bastard to his knees and both live our revenge as they suffer.

DF: In Chattanooga?

MAN: No, Nashville.

DF: We’ll discuss my new fee then.

MAN: New? We had a deal...

DF: I’m the trigger. The muscle always cashes in.


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