CSWA SHOWTIME 30
26 Mar 2013 at Bridgestone Arena
(MUSIC CUEUP: A stock Techno track from the CS archives.)
(FADEIN: A white screened background of a dank cement cellar. A lone uncovered bulb dangles from the ceiling by a chain. In front of the backdrop sits the Man Who Has Yet to Identify a Relevant CSWA Nickname for Himself…NOVA, cross-legged and clad only in a pair of loose white pants. From underneath a red headband, NOVA’s wiry horseshoe of blonde hair pokes out in all directions. Behind him stands an Asian man in a dark red robe, holding a large bucket.)
NOVA: “The time has come, Jack. We’ve commiserated over the odds at which we’re placed, given the depth of our friendship and the fruits borne by its professional manifestations, but ALAS! The hour grows late and the time has passed for that kind of talk.”
(NOVA jerks a thumb back towards the robed Asian man behind him.)
NOVA: “Bet you’re wondering who my friend is there, huh? Yeah, I DO have other friends. This is Buzz. We met on the internet after he invaded my dreams a few weeks ago.”
(Lighting a cigarette) “It’s EXACTLY what it sounds like. One minute I’m on Dream Street, simultaneously boning Helen of Troy, repelling Nazi forces with lightning bolts out of my hands, and beating Ira Glass at chess, then…BOOM! In front of my face, in bold action font, ‘A NEW CHALLENGER AWAITS!’” (Gesturing towards Buzz) “This friggin’ guy shows up, just standing there like he is now, ‘Oh hey, what’s going on, sweet dream, my name’s Buzz, let’s hang out…’”
(BUZZ shows no emotion whatsoever.)
NOVA: (Taking a drag) “Okay, his name’s not Buzz. He’s a monk. He apparently doesn’t have a name, but I told him that isn’t going to work for me. I mean, I can’t exactly call him _________, can I? Right?”
NOVA: (Sigh) “FINE. You can be _________.”
(The slightest of smiles curls up the corners of _________’s mouth.)
NOVA: “So anyway, we start chatting online, and turns out this motherf(BLEEP)er is DEEP, man. I’m serious.” (Pointing to his head) “Lots going on up there. And he’s been helping me reach a whole new level for this match. I explained to him that you and I are buds and all, but we’re about to throw it DOWN, because it’s Saturday Night, it’s the CS-Dub, and we’re both tryin’ like a fat kid on the high dive to make some waves ‘round hurr. And he totally got it...” (turning back) “…didn’t you?”
NOVA: “Yeah, he totally got it. And we started working on meditation techniques, and I’m not gonna go overboard tooting my own horn on national TV, but I’m pretty sure meditation was invented FOR ME. I mean, ________ gave me the toolbox, then I built a damn HOUSE with it! I was slipping and sliding through the tunnels of my mind, unlocking doors, battling shadow spirits, talking to my Scottish ancestors from the Clan McNova…and when it was all over, I felt simultaneously like I had taken the largest dump of my life, and gotten my teeth cleaned.”
(NOVA takes a long drag, then snuffs out his cigarette and flicks it away.)
NOVA: “And that’s why _________ is here today. He advised me that I need to revisit that place inside myself if I’m going to prevail at SHOWTIME. He’s here to guide me there.”
(NOVA rolls his shoulders, inhaling and exhaling deeply).
NOVA: “Without further adieu…________, THE SACRED MEDITATION OIL, PLEASE!”
(________ approaches NOVA from behind and begins muttering in what is surely an ancient and mystical dialect as he slowly tips up the bucket in his hands. A thick, reddish oil begins drizzling over NOVA’s bald head and shoulders.)
NOVA: (Closing his eyes) “Yes…I feel it coming back now.”
(Oil runs over the front of his face, and he sputters a bit, wiping his eyes.)
NOVA: “Yes…” (Coughing) “Yessss…” (Stretching out a hand) “Jack…will you come with me? Will you come with me down into the Darkness? Where…ppptt!! Where alliances fade, and only violence remains?”
(________ tips up the bucket a little, and the flow of oil over NOVA’s head increases.)
NOVA: (Cupping a hand over his eyebrows) “Okay, ________, maybe lighten up a bit, like on a scale from one to ten, you’re probably a seven right now and I think a three might be more appropriate…”
(_________ eases up.)
NOVA: “Awesome.” (Refocusing) “Yeeeeeesss, Jack…I can visualize the two of us with my MIND’S EYE…battling amidst a field of shooting stars and swirling aberrations of light…two cosmic forces clashing until one passes through the other…two…” (Coughing) “…two warriors…ppppttt!! On a collision course with destiny…” (Turning around) “This Sacred Meditation Oil is…kinda…kerosene-y, isn’t it? Isn’t it, ________? Does it seem kerosene-y to you?”
(NOVA shoves _______ backwards.)
NOVA: “THAT MEANS STOP POURING, ASSHOLE!”
(________ removes a thick wooden club from within his robe.)
NOVA: “Oh, you wanna GO, old man? Well, you can just come AWN wit it, ‘cuz I’ll…”
(_________ holds up a lighter to the club and it bursts into flame.)
NOVA: “AAAAAAHHHH!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!” (Looking around frantically) “WHAT IS HE DOING?!!”
(Unfazed, _______ produces a crumpled photograph of a monk self-immolating in protest.)
NOVA: “NO! NO! WE DID NOT DISCUSS THAT! WE TALKED ABOUT MEDITATION! I guess I did most of the talking…I mean, I got Tibetan Rosetta Stone for a Secret Santa gift last year and I thought it was the stupidest present ever, and now…WELL I WANT YOU TO LEAVE! WE’RE NOT HANGING OUT ANYMORE!”
(NOVA points towards the door emphatically, and ________ tucks his photo away and shuffles off-camera by torchlight.)
NOVA: “And I’m unfriending you on Facebook! YOU CAN KISS THOSE GRUMPY CAT WALL POSTS GOODBYE!” (Turning to the camera) “Do you think I have time for a shower before I head out there?”
(He looks himself up and down, kerosene still running off his arms and body in steady streams.)
NOVA: “I guess it doesn’t really matter, right? Nah, it doesn’t matter.”
(NOVA goes to light a cigarette and there’s a sudden commotion behind the camera.)
RUDY SEIZTER V/O: This is a LIVE! Show. I said thirty seconds! Thirty seconds!
(NOVA starts slowly counting on each finger. One second, two seconds, three seconds…then looks at the camera and shrugs.)
(V/O: The Bridgestone audience LAUGHING.)
(FADEIN: Jack Harmen, better known to the CSWA and most of the wrestling world as High Flyer, stands in front of a CSWA flag. He wears his ring attire, along with the CSWA’s official Team VIAGRA t-shirt (get ‘em while you can!). Behind him, as always, is his manager and protégé Mary-Lynn Mayweather, holding a clipboard. In the FAR background, dressed in athletic gear and holding an unopened Nintendo 3DS is Tony Davis.)
HIGH FLYER: Tonight will be a night of sorrow, of bloodstained tears and physical violence the likes of which the CSWA has NEVER seen.
(Harmen smiles, encompassing the entirety of the camera’s frame.)
HIGH FLYER: Tonight, I unleash the Lunatic.
(Harmen laughs, backing away from the camera.)
HIGH FLYER: Nova-nator, you’re my friend, probably my best friend.
(At this, in the background, Tony Davis’ head perks up.)
HIGH FLYER: But when that bell rings, you’re my mortal enemy. You are Dr. Thaddeus Venture, Ben Linus, and all the cylons wrapped up into one person.
HIGH FLYER: And you want a challenge? You want the fight of your life? Well, I’d be a HORRIBLE best friend if I didn’t let you have what you wanted…
(Harmen smiles, chuckling to himself. Tony Davis frowns.)
HIGH FLYER: This is going to be SO… MUCH… FUN! Mary, get me ready, it’s time for action.
(Flyer turns to Tony and shakes his head. Tony is cracking his knuckles.)
HIGH FLYER: Sorry Tony. Just hang back, alright? This is about who’s the superfliest of all. And tonight, we find out through VIOLENCE AND CHAOS!
(Flyer walks off screen with Mary. Tony Davis is left behind, crossing his arms HIGHLY annoyed.)
HIGH FLYER (O.S.): It’s gonna be a HOOT!
Echoes of a night that would change the lives of thousands.
The new CSWA Logo dissolves into the frame.
Then the number…
(MUSIC CUE UP: “Love Is Blindness” – Jack White U2 Cover.)
(FADEIN: An old warehouse in Greensboro, North Carolina. April 1988.)
(CUTTO: Joey Melton drenched in sweat and in black tights and boots standing in the middle of a beat up wrestling ring, obviously used, throwing a World title belt that might as well come right out of a cereal box over his shoulder.)
Chad Merritt: We're gonna be back here next weekend... we hope you all come on back...and now, I give to you...your first World Champion...
(Joey grabs mic from Chad's hand)
JOEY MELTON: I didn't want to be here tonight....hell, to be honest I wouldn't even piss in this place...but here I am....a champion...standing in front of you. My life can't get any worse than it is now, so yes, Merritt...Thomas...I'll be back next weekend to kick the livin' fire out of whoever you can coax to get into the ring....let's be honest it might even be one of you out in the audience. In reality, I'll be here until someone can knock the title off my waist, or I just get damn well bored of the place.
Love is blindness
I don't want to see
Won't you wrap the night
(CUTTO: The number 2.)
Oh my heart
Love is blindness
(CUTTO: Same cheap warehouse, 1988. Hornet flying across the ring and hitting the HORNET Splash on a 500 lb monster, Big Wesley. Wesley staggers out of the corner, the earth shakes, Hornet swoops in and slams the beast to the mat. The Greensboro crowd has found their new King.)
In a parked car
In a crowded street
You see your love
Thread is ripping
The knot is slipping
Love is blindness
(CUTTO: The number 3.)
(CUTTO: The CS Express in hair metal hairstyles and neon ankle length tights finishing a World Tag title defense with the Rocket Launcher.)
(CUTTO: The number 4.)
Love is clockworks
And cold steel
Fingers too numb to feel
(CUTTO: A dessert island. More likely a part of the Carolina coast in the offseason. Mike Randalls standing over a fallen GUNS holding a bloody stake in his hands.)
(CUTTO: The number 5.)
(CUTTO: 1995. Eli Flair with Rudy Seizter staring into the camera cutting a promo. At his side brandishing a Singapore cane is a before she conquered the world Poison Ivy.)
Squeeze the handle
Blow out the candle
Love is blindness
(CUTTO: The number 6.)
(CUTTO: Mark Windham bouncing off the ropes and hitting The Dream Warrior with a Lariat!)
(CUTTO: The number 7.)
Love is blindness
I don't want to see
Won't you wrap the night
(CUTTO: LAST CALL. Titans. Early 90s. HORNET and Mark Windham stand face to face in the center of the ring their noses separated by an inch.)
(CUTTO: The number 8.)
(CUTTO: A crowd standing and looking skyward as “Muppet Kid” Timmy Windham bungees down dressed as a muppet released from Hell.)
Oh my love
(CUTTO: The number 9.)
(CUTTO: Pre-Emmy buzz Troy Windham. Barely out of high school. Windham lies on his childhood bed, posters of indy rock bands adorn the wall. Windham talks into the camera and snaps his fingers.)
(CUTTO: The number 10.)
(CUTTO: Windham stuffing his Generation X-Press partner Shawn Matthews into a trash can and rolling it down a steep hill. And to this day the can is rolling…)
(CUTTO: The number 11.)
A little death
(CUTTO: CSWA ANNIVERSARY 1999. Eli Flair vs. Hornet.)
BB: I don't know if Juarez saw it or not......Hornet staggers out of the corner.....here comes Flair! INVERTED DDT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He drops Hornet like a ton of bricks!!! He hooks the leg! ONE.................. TWO................. THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ELI FLAIR HAS DONE IT!!! LOOK AT THAT MAN'S FACE...HE CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!!
RJ: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH AND YOUR NEWWWWWW CSWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION.......TOTAL ELIMINATION ELI FLAIRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
(CUTTO: The number 12.)
And no warning
Baby...a dangerous idea
That almost makes sense
(CUTTO: “Miss Hooters” Teri Melton in a skin tight mini skirt walking past a disgusted Ivy.)
(CUTTO: The number 13.)
(CUTTO: President Schmid in a tuxedo match ripping off Teri Melton's cummerbun. The crowd falling to their knees and begging for more.)
(CUTTO: The number 14.)
(CUTTO: Eli Flair powerslamming Hornet.)
(CUTTO: The number 15.)
Love is drowning
In a deep well
All the secrets
(CUTTO: FISH FUND XI: The End Of An Era. GUNS rolling off a pinned Hornet and being handed the World Title. A kid in the front row in tears.)
(CUTTO: The number 16.)
(CUTTO: Bill Buckley and Sammy Benson at their broadcast position in a time lapse over the years.)
(CUTTO: The number 17.)
And no one to tell
Take the money
(CUTTO: Eli Flair in the Wheel of Death, bloodied and beaten.)
(CUTTO: The number 18.)
(CUTTO: The CLAIMSTAKERS (Hornet/Eli) in the ring as the Playboys (Eddy Love/Troy Windham) FARGO STRUT to the ring.)
(CUTTO: The number 19.)
(CUTTO: Sweet Melissa in the ring, running a comb through South Carolina’s best “Hurricane” Eddy Love.)
(CUTTO: The number 20.)
Love is blindness
I don't want to see
Won't you wrap the night
(CUTTO: Mark Vizzack holding the World title in his arms, blood running from the left corner of his mouth. His valet, Sunshine slinks in the corner in tears. Their dream realized.)
(CUTTO: The number 21.)
(CUTTO: Dan Ryan hitting the humility bomb on Shane Southern.)
(CUTTO: The number 22.)
(CUTTO: CSWA15. Eli Flair with a double chicken win on Mark Windham. Windham nodding his head he quits.)
(CUTTO: The number 23.)
Oh my love
(CUTTO: The professionals slugging it out in front of a delirious crowd with JJ Deville and Troy Windham.)
(CUTTO: The number 24.)
(CUTTO: Dan Ryan hitting a Top Cage Frog Splash on Troy Windham at BLUE MOON.)
(CUTTO: The number 25.)
(CUTTO: Blaine Hollywood and Calvin Carlton attacking Troy Windham and Dan Ryan.)
(CUTTO: A black screen…)
(CSWA 25: “Wrestling’s Silver Age” flashes on the screen.)
(CUTTO: A wide-shot inside of Bridgestone Arena in Nashville, TN!)
(Standing room only. The people in Tennessee haven’t been this excited since the local theater troupe took on “Smokey and The Bandit” and turned it into a rolling roadshow. It’s the simple pleasures in southern life that make the difference. No kid Left Behind; Four more years until the next Republican President. And the CSWA back in the big city.
(Marvin Parsons has been with the company since the Cuban Missile Crisis. He calls for a typical panning camera angle. Quick cutting between the swollen face and business in the front party in the back hairstyles. These are the people who don’t mind that Christina Aquiliera packed on three hundred lbs and refuses to be shot on the “Voice” from most conceivable locations. Parsons turns to his assistant Terry and clumsily high-fives. Sure, most everybody else in the business is better. But Parsons directs this ship. He loves the people.
“Give me some piped crowd .”
Terry amps up the noise by tenfold and from your couch you’d think these damn hicks in Nashville are about to piss themselves with joy.
“And the Dino.”
Yes, Parsons right before he’s ready to go to Buckley in the pit pipes the faded sound of a T-Rex from “Jurassic Park.” It’s his trademark really. Along with the seven illegitimate children.)
(Parsons unleashes the legendary CSWA laser light show that in 1994 cured a man of cataracts in one eye.)
(CUTTO: Bill Buckley and Joey Melton standing ringside as the lights pull up.)
BILL BUCKLEY: Helllllllllllo wrestling fans this is Bill Buckley alongside the one the only Joey Melton and we are LIVE! From CSWA SHOWTIME!
JOEY MELTON: We’re also still on this God forsaken state tour. Did Hornet get a three for one deal when he booked a Travel lodge?
BILL BUCKLEY: I love it here Joey these fans are great! (Buckley gives a thumbs up to the unwashed.)
JOEY MELTON: Oh right, let’s just gloss over the nugget that WE’RE STAYING IN A *** **** Travel Lodge! What’s next Buckley? ANNIVERSARY at a Carolina campground? CSWA Sleep With The Bears Tour ’13? I’m a man of great taste. I’m used to the finer things in life. I don’t need a freaking chocolate chip cookie on my pillow ever morning unless is made with fucking soy beans, you copy?
BILL BUCKLEY: No no you’re thinking of a Double Tree.
JOEY MELTON: No, don’t wave me off Buckley. In the glory days of this company we stayed at the best of the best. Hilton’s, five star accommodations, you name it. Now? I’d bend over backwards for a fucking Howard Johnsons. HoJo, Buckley. HO-JO.
BILL BUCKLEY: Are you finished?
JOEY MELTON: I’m sorry, do I seem like I’m in a foul mood?
BILL BUCKLEY: Honestly?
JOEY MELTON: I asked for their On Demand selections and the front desk sent up a hooker.
BILL BUCKLEY: That’s right up your alley!
JOEY MELTON: Don’t!
BILL BUCKLEY: Fans for the next hour we’re going to bring you the BEST sixty minutes of wrestling this business has seen in a long, long time. Long time tag partners Nova and Jack Harmen do battle. And in a thirty-minute IRONMAN non-title match Blaine Hollywood faces off against the champion Dan Ryan!
JOEY MELTON: Nova and Harmen this is a bit like what would happen if Little Forrest were able to come back in a time machine and rassle his daddy in the backyard next to Jenny’s grave. Which of these two idiots will seize the day.
BILL BUCKLEY: That’s enough.
JOEY MELTON: And finally tonight after BLUE MOON Blaine Hollywood steps into a CSWA ring and Dan Ryan has a shot at revenge. I once stole the last tangerine the man at a Troy family reunion and he nearly castrated me with a fork. There’s no telling what he’ll do tonight, other than make previous title reigns look legendary by comparison.
BILL BUCKLEY: Nova/Harmen and BLAINE/RYAN next!
(CUTTO: Close-up – Fans behind Melton and Buckley mugging for the camera.)
(CUTTO: A CLOSE-UP of CSWAVision.)
V/O: “ALL ABOARD… Ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaa!”
(A steaming locomotive charges toward the screen, encapsulating the CSWAVision screen. A large billow of smoke waifs out from the entrance as JACK HARMEN, better known to the CSWA faithful as HIGH FLYER, steps out from backstage. Over his shoulder is his protégé and manager, Mary-Lynn Mayweather. MLM has her trademark skirt suit. Jack Harmen wears the CSWA VIAGRA t-shirt along with his usual VIAGRA tights. The two make their way to the ring, slapping the fans hands. Harmen climbs up the steps and jumps to the top turnbuckle, tossing his hands up in a devil horn taunt. Harmen jumps into the ring, rolling his shoulders and cracking his neck from side to side. Mary-Lynn claps on the outside as the fans cheer. Flyer slams his foot into the canvas three times, prepping for his Locomotive.)
BB: Welcome to CSWA Showtime! Our first matchup of the evening takes partners and friends from another promotion, and puts them front and center in a quest for gladiatorial supremacy.
JM: And there you see Jack Harmen, aka High Flyer, one of the final four of the Ultratitle Tournament alongside, of course, yours truly.
BB: The name High Flyer is synonymous with professional wrestling, and not just for being a STYLE of wrestling. Harmen has made his pedigree across promotions, continents. He has been a champion of fans and wrestled in the PRIME of his career to fanfare and financial glory.
(Mary-Lynn climbs on the apron and grabs Harmen’s attention. She whispers in his ear as “Funkadelic” by Maggot blares over the pa system.)
JM: And his opponent and partner in crime is no slouch in that whole fanfare and financial glory game you were just talking about. The combined wealth of the two superflyest members in professional wrestling might give Troy Windham a run for the money.
BB: Hell, maybe they could outpace you!
JM: Don’t under evaluate my wealth.
(Nova steps out from the backstage area as his video tron shoots fireworks from the top, a mount Vesuvius of pyro rains down on the Eagle Star. He soaks in the cheers at the top of the entrance rampway before being handed a pogo stick by a production assistant. Nova frowns, tosses the pogo stick aside, and casually walks toward the ring.)
BB: Even with the hail of fireworks, this may be Nova’s most sedated entrance.
JM: Good move to ignore a pogo stick. No one looks cool on a pogo stick.
BB: I dunno. I think Nova could make it work.
(Nova climbs into the ring’s apron and stares across the ring at Harmen. Harmen slaps his knee, before stomping the canvas. Mary-Lynn climbs on his apron side and sits on the middle rope, allowing Nova an easier path inside. Nova smiles to the red head and climbs in. The head official finishes checking Harmen for weapons before turning his attention to Nova.)
RHUBARB JONES: Welcome everyone, to CSWA Showtime! Your opening contest, scheduled for one fall and with a thirty minute time limit… Introducing first, hailing from his Winter Home of Los Angeles, California. He weighs in at two hundred and twenty four pounds, your friendly time traveling snow selling neighborhood Lunatic, one half of the Unified Tag Team finalists Team VIAGRA… and accompanied to the ring by the Tiny Attorney Mary-Lynn Mayweather… here is JACK HAAAAAR—
(Harmen walks up to Rhubarb and makes a cutthroat motion across his neck.)
RJ: Here is… HIGH… FLYYYYYYEEEER!
(Harmen climbs onto the turnbuckles and tosses his arms in a Christ –like pose. Once applause dies down, Harmen backflips off the buckle, landing on his feet.)
RJ: And his opponent…
(Nova wrings his hands and smiles.)
RJ: Hailing from parts unknown, weighing in at two hundred and forty eight pounds… he is the Anti-Gravity, Dig-Dug-Diggity Bong Bomb Battalioner, the Star Screaming, Mushroom-Eating King of Hallucination Nation… Please welcome, NOOOOOOVVVVAAA!
(Nova throws his hand in the air to wild cheers. He tosses his cigarette butt to the ground, extinquishing the flame. The tandem known as Superfly Express head to the center of the ring, standing face to face with stoic expressions. The official speaks to both, telling them “No cheating, no closed fists, want a good clean fight.”)
BB: At this point, these two are practically brothers. Day in day out on the road together, you know what that’s like with Cruise, don’t you Joey?
JM: Without a doubt. There’s a bond that develops, against your better instincts, that can’t be severed by anything but a barber shop window.
BB: We’re going to do our best here in CSWA, but I have a hard time believing this athletic contest will end with anything but a handshake.
(SFX: DING DING DING!)
JM: Unless Nova serves Flyer a nice bourbon, served early enough to turn him into an alcoholic.
BB: A move that has put away quite a few legends, including one of our co-main eventers, Dan Ryan, down for the count!
(Harmen and Nova circle one another in the ring, the crowd murmering in anticipation. A fever pitch builds as Superfly circles one another. Flyer turns to the crowd and tells them to get on their feet. Nova smiles directly at the camera.)
NOVA: This’ll be fun.
(Center of the ring, Harmen raises his hand for a test of strength. Nova goes to reciprocate, but Harmen lowers his hand and shakes it off. Nova shrugs, as Harmen heads to his corner and calls Mary-Lynn onto the apron. Nova lights up a cigarette in the center of the ring.)
BB: Let’s see if we can get a closer look as Team VIAGRA plans strategy.
(The cameraman climbs on the apron and is inches away from Flyer, who’s conversing with his manager.)
HIGH FLYER: You dvr’d Game of Thrones, right?
MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER: What does that have to do with anything.
HIGH FLYER: ANSWER THE QUESTION!
MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER: Jeez. Yes. I dvr’d it.
HIGH FLYER: Good.
(Harmen turns his attention away from a confused MLM. Flyer and Nova circle one another again.)
JM: If Flyer doesn’t get his head in the game, this could be a short match. Never underestimate a man with the pedigree and technical caliber of Nova.
(This time, Flyer tries to swipe at a surprisingly spry Nova’s legs. Harmen misses as Nova avoids the move, cigarette still dangling from his lips. Both men back to a vertical base. Nova grabs the official’s attention and hands him his lit cigarette, as Flyer charges and swipes at Nova’s legs again. This time, Nova avoids the move and dives on top of Harmen, pushing Flyer’s chest into the mat. Nova tries a side headlock, but Flyer quickly rolls out of it and back to his neutral corner. He cracks his neck as Nova grabs his cigarette back from the official, takes another drag, and stubs it out on his palm.)
JM: Nova telling Flyer to come get him. These fans are restless for some action.
BB: I think they may have heard you.
(Harmen charges Nova, spinning wheel kick DUCKED by Nova. Harmen lands on his hands and knees, but Nova with a go behind before he can recover. Nova with a rear waist lock GERMAN… but Harmen flips out and lands on his feet behind the King of Hallucination. Harmen from behind with a waist lock. Nova rushes to the ropes, grabbing the top as Harmen unsuccessfully tries for a school boy. Harmen back rolls out of the hold and gets back to his feet. Flyer ducks underneath a returning Nova clothesline. Harmen springboards off the second rope, back flips for a moonsault but Nova rushes toward the ropes to slip underneath him. Harmen lands on his knees, charges Nova.)
BB: Tilt-a-whirl, and a whirl, and a whirl from Flyer as he repeatedly circles around Nova’s body, before catching Nova with an arm drag.
JM: Flyer’s on wobbly legs. I think that dizzied him more than it hurt Nova. Silly showmanship getting in the way of actually WINNING.
BB: You’re right, as Nova hits a picture perfect jaw breaker on the stunned and dizzy Lunatic.
(Flyer stumbles around the ring, falling to his knee once before fighting back to his feet. At that point, he promptly wobbles to the ropes and slips THROUGH the top and middle to the outside. He lands with a thud at Mary-Lynn’s feet.)
JM: Never waste a movement in that ring Buckley. Everything you do should be to either cause damage, or put you in a position to cause damage to your opponent.
(Mary-Lynn tries to help Harmen to his feet. Harmen rubs the cobwebs out of his head. Nova in the ring is getting the crowd riled up, and charges off the far ropes.)
JACK HARMEN: I’m getting too old for this—
BB: And never take your eye off the King of Hallucination!
(NOVA with a DIVING TOPE through the middle ropes, takes down Harmen to a ROAR of cheers.)
JM: Hey Red! Come over to the commentator’s booth! I’ll protect you from sweaty Neanderthals!
BB: Joey, you know that Mary-Lynn is a protégé of not just High Flyer, but Ms. Troy as well.
JM: No wonder I’m so aroused.
(Nova tosses Harmen back in the ring underneath the bottom rope. Nova turns his attention to Mary-Lynn, who holds up a clipboard with a large “8” scribbled on. Nova nods approvingly, before turning to see High Flyer springboarding to the top rope and hitting a shooting star press to the outside to cheers.)
BB: And Harmen trying to out fly Nova here!
(Mary-Lynn holds up her clipboard, and it has a “10” written on it now. Harmen grabs Nova and tosses him back in the ring. Flyer climbs onto the apron and waits.)
BB: Harmen sizing up his partner, Nova shaking out the cobwebs, springboard lou thesz! And Harmen’s on top with right after right!
JM: The referees always say no closed fist, but then they don’t even bother doing anything about it.
(Harmen hops off of Nova and begins to stomp his boot into the canvas. He repeats this, as Nova uses the ropes to pull himself to his feet. The closer Nova gets to a standing basis, the quicker Harmen’s stomps are. Nova recovers, turns, and BARELY ducks a charging Locomotive.)
BB: Nova wisely avoids the crazy train, kick to the gut, NO-VACANCY! Double underhook DDT sends Flyer unconscious to the mat.
(Nova on top with a cover.)
BB: One… Two… Flyer gets his hand on the bottom rope!
JM: These two men may exude childlike wonder and the maturity of hamsters, but they both know their way around a wrestling ring. They’re ring generals Buckley. They know what they’re doing. It’s surprising Nova even tried for a cover with Flyer so close to the ropes.
BB: If they’re generals…
JM: I’m the President.
(Nova with a scoop slam, into a top rope assisted body splash)
BB: ONE! TWO! No! Kickout at the last moment.
(Nova snap mares Harmen, runs off the nearest ropes and catches the Lunatic with a dropkick to the face. Nova then hits a standing elbow drop to the sternum.)
JM: That can crack a rib Buckley. I’ve had that happen to me.
BB: What injuries haven’t you had in your illustrious career?
JM: Penile fracture.
(Nova grabs Harmen and pulls him to his feet. Once there, Jack, in a daze, SLAPS the taste out of Nova’s mouth. He smiles.)
HIGH FLYER: C’MON! DON’T HOLD BACK!
JM: What’s the term? Things just got REAL SON.
BB: I don’t think that’s the term.
JM: It is now. The usually laid back Nova, his eyes are burning with the fiery passion of all my potential suitors. Nova with a right, and another! Backing Harmen into the corner. OOOOhhhh man, I felt that knife edge chop.
BB: Joey Melton? Empathy? Who knew?
JM: Definitely not me.
(Nova with an irish whip, Harmen hits the opposite side buckles straight in his sternum. Flyer falls to his knees, only to turn directly into a charging Nova.)
BB: SHINING WIZARD by Nova! We could have a winner… two… NO! Shoulder up at the last moment.
JM: Nova’s been in pretty good control. Harmen’s strategy of slapping Nova seems to have backfired. Nova grabs Flyer, NICE corkscrew suplex.
BB: He calls that the In-NOVA-tor! Into a cover, one, two… NO! Flyer desperately kicks out.
JM: Nova in clear control, lifting Harmen, no! Inside cradle! One, two… NO!
BB: Nova back to his feet, wild right hand but Flyer reverses, using his legs to hook in a crucifix pin! One! Two! NO!! Nova gets a shoulder up.
JM: Harmen with a couple kicks to Nova’s midsection as the King of Hallucination recovers. Hurrica- NO! Powerbomb reversal by Nova! Jack Harmen just got JACKKNIFED.
JM: I thought so. One. Two. NO! Kickout by the Lunatic. What’s it going to take for one of these two athletes to put away the other?
BB: Nuclear winter.
(Nova grabs Harmen and hits a vertical suplex. Double Underhook suplex follows, accompanied then by a t-bone suplex that folds Harmen up like a poorly made origami doll.)
BB: What would you do in this situation Joey? Nova clearly has the advantage, how do you turn the tide?
JM: Thumb to the eyes?
JM: Honest answer.
BB: Quick cover by Nova, this could be it! Two- NO! Kickout by Flyer. And now Nova has to wonder what it will take to put away his partner in crime.
JM: Mack truck.
JM: Always worked for me.
(Nova grabs Harmen to his feet, and hooks his arms.)
BB: Are we gonna see a little bourbon?
(Harmen quickly weasels out of the hold, kicks Nova in the gut, and grabs his neck.)
BB: COLD SNOW COUNTER! Harmen just drove Nova’s cranium into the mat.
JM: That’s a vicious move Harmen’s got. First time I’ve seen it. He elevates his opponent and then SPIKES them head first into the canvas. You don’t see that a lot these days.
BB: Both men are out on the canvas. Neither man in any position to take advantage. Mary-Lynn Mayweather on the outside trying to get the crowd to infuse these athletes with energy.
(Mayweather slams her hand into the ring apron, causing the fans to reciprocate in kind. Nova and Harmen, through pure adrenaline, fight their way to their feet at a count of 7. Nova with a right, sends Harmen down to his knee. Jack fires back.)
BB: And we’ve got a good ol’ fashion slugfest going on Joey. I think Nova’s got the advantage over the smaller Lunatic.
JM: Never count out a crazy person.
(Harmen fires back with a knife edge chop, Nova reciprocates. And so, it’s come to dueling chops, as each man SLAPS the RED into the CHEST of his opponent. Harmen. Nova. Harmen. Nova. Harmen. Nova. Neither man backing down an inch. Until Harmen catches a surprised Nova in the gut with a knee.)
JM: That’s one way to end it.
BB: What’s another?
JM: Eye rake? I keep going back to the eye rake, but that’s because it’s such a perfect move.
(The fans begin to murmur in anticipation. Harmen with a double underhook, but he can’t lift Nova off his feet, Nova blocking the move.)
BB: Harmen going for Hypothermia here, but Nova’s scouted the move well.
JM: Just go limp Buckley. Hard to pick up a man bigger than you when your opponent uses gravity against you.
(MEANWHILE, at the entrance ramp, Tony Davis steps out from the backstage wearing civilian clothes.)
BB: And, wait a second, that’s Tony Davis. What’s he doing here?
JM: Probably making sure that Justin Voss or Scott Riktor don’t try to come out here and taint the proceedings.
BB: Like they ever would!
JM: We’re only a few weeks away from Anniversary Buckley. You can never be too careful in the CSWA.
(Davis gingerly makes his way down to the ring as Nova hits a back body drop on Harmen. Harmen whipped off the ropes, Nova ducks down early but Harmen flips behind him. Rear waist lock, GERMAN suplex. He hangs on, but Nova plays dead again and Harmen can’t lift him off the mat. Harmen lets go, climbs to his feet, and hits a standing shooting star press.)
BB: Nova making sure Harmen couldn’t chain those Germans and hit the trifecta. Instead, Flyer catches Nova with a standing shooting star… Two… NO! Kickout by the King of Hallucination.
(Harmen slams his palm into the mat in frustration. He huffs as he pulls Nova up by his hair.)
BB: And NOVA with an inside cradle. One, two. NO! Kickout by the Lunatic.
JM: Fast and furious. I don’t think we’ve seen a rest hold here Buckley.
BB: That we haven’t. And Harmen, he’s gassing up the locomotive. Nova, to his feet, Harmen charges, NO! Nova ducks. Harmen back off the ropes, tries AGAIN and whiffs! Back off the other side, TILT-A-WHIRL, NO! Harmen reverses into a hurricanrada sending Nova into the far corner! Nova recovers, Harmen charges, MONKEY FLIP out!
JM: Harmen picking up the pace here. I think Nova can match him, but this is where the agile Highest Flyer of all excels.
(Harmen with a drop kick takes down Nova. Harmen climbs up top, tosses his hands out in a devil horn taunt, and FLIES!)
BB: Those camera bulbs are FLASHING! FIVE AND A HALF STAR FROGSPLASH! CENTER OF THE RING! Picture perfect! One! Two! NO! Nova somehow got a shoulder up AGAIN!
(Harmen clutches his ribs as he fights to his feet. He shakes his head, and climbs BACK up top, with his back to the ring.)
BB: Could this be? The most picturesque moonsault in all of professional wrestling?
JM: He’s just lucky I never did a moonsault as a signature move.
(Harmen FLIES off the top rope, backflipping as the flashes go off yet again in the crowd.)
BB: NOVA ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY! Harmen EATS NOTHING BUT CANVAS!
JM: And Nova, he’s sizing up his tag partner. Flyer’s fighting to his feet, holding his face like he was Wile E. Coyote running into a tunnel painted on the side of a mountain.
BB: Nova! Kick to the gut!
JM & BB: BOURBON FOR BREAKFAST!
BB: It’s academic Joey. One!
(SFX: DING. DING. DING.)
RJ: After twenty three minutes and forty two seconds, your winner, VIA PINFALL…. THE KING OF HALLUCINATION… NOOOOOOOVVVVAAA!
(Nova pops off of Harmen as the official raises his hands to cheers.)
JM: Does this make Nova the Superfliest of all?
BB: No idea Joey, but look outside the ring. Tony Davis and Mary-Lynn Mayweather are arguing!
(Tony and MLM are having a tug of war revolving around MLM’s clipboard. Eventually, Davis YANKS it from her, and slides into the ring. As Nova turns, Davis WHACKS him with the clipboard. The crowd instantly turns on Two Tone Tony Davis.)
BB: WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!
JM: I have no idea Buck! I’m just as flabbergasted as you! Flabbergasted enough to use the word flabbergasted! Tony Davis just knocked Nova the FUNK out!
(Tony Davis stands over the fallen Nova in the ring as the crowd jeers. Mary-Lynn slides into the ring, pleading with Davis to stop this madness. Davis ignores her. He grabs Nova by the tights, lifts him, and NAILS him with the EQUALIZER, a double underhook tigerbomb.)
BB: Tony Davis making a statement here. I’m not exactly sure what that is…
JM: High Flyer’s coming too, and I don’t think he’s too happy.
(Mayweather rushes over to Flyer’s side and quickly whispers in his ear. Davis, fuming, stands over the slightly bloody Nova. Harmen SPINS his partner around and SHOUTS at him.)
HIGH FLYER: WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? YOU CAN’T DO THIS! HE’S MY FRIEND TONY!
(Davis scoffs, turns from Harmen and looks to exit the ring. Harmen rushes up and grabs him by his shoulder, spinning him back so they stand face to face. Our cameraman gets incredibly close to pick up the audio.)
TONY DAVIS: Yeah… the BEST.
(Without another word, Tony exits the ring. Boos rain down from the crowd as even a drink is thrown in Tony’s direction. Harmen is shellshocked in the ring, but heads to Nova’s side to help him “identify the truck that hit him.” Mary-Lynn and Flyer help Nova to his feet, as we FADE TO COMMERCIAL.)
(FADEIN: An office in the bowels of Bridgestone arena. The walls are adorned with framed posters of some of Nashville’s greatest artists. It’s not home to its occupant, but Hornet has spent most of his adult life living out of a suitcase, viewing the world through the prism of airport terminals and calling familiar faces family. Legends are made in this town and though his office is decorated in platinum and gold the owner of the CSWA has put enough asses in the seats to produce mint with the best of them.
Next to an open Macbook, stacks of papers and a tablet running Bracketbound tournament challenge, sits a framed photo of a group of men from a time long gone by. A bloodied Hornet all smiles with his arms around Eli Flair and a baby faced Troy Windham; Men relishing a moment in the construction of the greatest Empire the wrestling world has ever seen. But just as Rome fell, so too did Greensboro.
Like a tourist in pursuit of owning a piece of history, Hornet purchased the ruins of the CSWA and in his most honest moments he’s unsure whether he’s attempting to rebuild the Empire or take the burial site on tour.
The tourist swipes his tablet and laughs. “There go my brackets. Shockers, huh?”
The walls echo with the sounds of the Coliseum. Perhaps no man ever won the crowd better than Hornet. A faint smile wears his face as echoes reach out before a knock wears his door.
“You know we could have had this meeting in Greensboro,” said Mark Windham, a titan of the CSWA in his own right. Windham dressed in jeans, and a plain white tee with a Cowboys hat pulled tight over his bangs.
“Yes, I know,” Hornet said as he closes the mac book. “But I know how much you hate flying. And we’re trying to grow the fan base again. You remember those days don’t you, Mark?”
He does. As much as he’d like to forget now.
“Looks like a nice crowd. The lights might stay on other week, good to know.”
“We sold out in three days.”
“Days?” Windham chuckles, “we used to sell out in minutes.”
“We USED to do a lot of things better. But aging has its benefits too.”
“You realize how much of an idiot you were as a kid.”
Both men laugh.
“Thirty days up at Greenvalley. Feel better?”
“It’s day to day, but I’m hopeful.”
“So am I. I’ve got your next booking.”
“Look. I’m not coming back. The game doesn’t need me anymore. Truthfully I don’t think it’s ever been good for me.”
“I’m not sure what that means but I know contractually you’re obligated.”
“You’re serious?” Windham deadpans.
“I just paid Stevens a small fortune to sit on his ass. Your brother’s off in LA claiming he’s too hurt to go, but its pilot season. Can you imagine if he lands a role on ‘Girl Meets World?’ The point is, I’m rallying the assets I do have.”
“You’ve got more than enough. You can do this without me.”
“Oh, I KNOW I can. But,” Hornet stops, “I don’t want to. You’re headed to ANNIVERSARY.”
“You can fine me as much as you want. I’ll waive my buyout. But I don’t need to be in that ring. I’ve had my time and this place as had enough pieces of me.”
“If this show fails, I’m done. I’m not going to let that happen. So, I’m going all-in.”
“Paul, it’s not going to happen.”
“I’ve giving you ONE more shot.”
Windham sighs. “You never did listen well.”
“At beating the one man you never could.”
Windham turns to walk away.
“You never beat me in that ring. Can you walk away without trying again? You stood beside me, you stayed in the shadows that serve you so well. You hid, Mark. Maybe you never wanted to front the company. But it’s my money now. I can’t afford to have you play the B sides.”
Mark stares at Hornet for a few seconds.
“In your delusion you forgot to mention one thing.”
“You never beat me either.”
Hornet slides a piece of paper in front of Windham.
“One LAST call.”
Mark smirks and looks Hornet in the eyes. “I win my contract voids.”
“That’s my signature. Look at it. See how sure I am that’s not going to happen.”
Windham scratches his name across the dotted line.
“Look at it this way, after ANNIVERSARY I’ll be SAVING you money.”
(CUTTO: Bill Buckley and Joey Melton at the broadcast position.)
BB: Welcome back fans to CSWA SHOWTIME. It’s time for our MAIN EVENT of the evening, Joey. Blaine Hollywood makes his CSWA debut against the UNIFIED WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION Dan Ryan!
JM: No kid has been given more this early in his career since Ben Savage landed on ABC’s Friday night lineup for years just because his older brother took Winnie Cooper’s virginity. Now look at both Savages. Where the hell are they? Maybe this will serve as a wake-up call for Blaine Hollywood. Pay your dues. Don’t reach for the stars, just yet.
BB: I thought you were kidding when you told me you’d work in Danica McKellar.
JM: She’ s a peach Buckley. Met her in LAX about four years ago. We made magic that night. Oh, she did everything right.
BB: Thank you Nancy Wilson. Fans, it was just a few short months ago that Blaine Hollywood BURST onto the CSWA scene and shocked the world. Let’s take a look back at how he did it.
(CUTTO: CSWA BLUE MOON MAIN EVENT.)
(Ryan leaps off the top of the cage with Troy over his shoulder.)
BB: TOP OF THE CAGE HUMILITY BOMB!! HUMILITY BOMB! HUMILITY BOMB!
(Roof blowing POP!!)
JM: Great day in the ****** morning.
BB: Dan Ryan just dropped Troy Windham from the top of a cage with a Humility Bomb, I can’t believe what I just saw! Ryan is stunned as well, but he falls over Windham. Was that the kitchen sink? Worthington collapses in position!
(Windham’s left leg limply reaches for a bottom rope but none is close enough.)
DAN RYAN HAS WON IT! DAN RYAN HAS WON IT! HE IS THE UNIFIED WORLD CHAMPION ONCE AGAIN!
JM: After watching that, I’m sure as hell glad I’m retired.
BB: What a match. Ryan to his feet but he collapses into the corner. I don’t know how he found the strength to finish Troy Windham, who fought like a warrior tonight. Joey, no man lost this match. I won’t hear of it. The CSWA, these fans…you and I…we’re are the better for seeing these two battle tonight.
JM: Yes, Buckley. Cancer was cured and free energy for all can only be next.
(Ryan walks over to Troy Windham who’s on his knees, bends down and helps Troy up. Windham thinks about nailing Ryan but instead slaps him in the chest.)
BB: Ryan and Windham embrace in the ring! This is great! Melton even you have to like seeing this.
JM: Yes I enjoy seeing the fourth wall broken and Sam and Frodo moments come to pass in a CSWA ring.
(Crowd starts chanting “CSWA! CSWA! CSWA!)
(Windham and Ryan acknowledge the crowd and each other.)
(Crowd starts a “Thank you” Chant.)
BB: What else can you say about this moment, Joey?
JM: Are you crying, Buckley?
BB: No! Dan Ryan is calling for the house mic.
JM: It’s time for him to smack Troy in the head with it!
(Ryan and Windham stand in the middle of the ring. They both wave to the crowd and hug each other.)
DAN RYAN: You know, Troy. If you can change, I can change…
JM: Is this the speech from Rocky IV? Christ almighty.
(GASPS AND SCREAMS FROM THE CROWD)
(A figure in an expensive tuxedo BUNGEES down from the rafters into the ring behind Windham and Troy.)
BB: WHAT THE HELL?!
(The 6’7” muscular figure clotheslines Dan Ryan from behind, then unsnaps himself from the bungee apparatus.)
JM: WHAT’S HE DOING HERE?
BB: THAT’S BLAINE HOLLYWOOD! Hollywood is all over Dan Ryan! Troy Windham comes to the rescue! Windham knocks Hollywood to the mat!
(Troy dives on top of Hollywood, but Blaine reaches into his tuxedo jacket and pulls out… a plastic bag? He covers Troy’s head with the back and all we can see is the word “PRADA” as Windham tries to pull it off. Blaine quickly wraps the bungee cord around Troy’s neck and snaps the carabiner, holding the bag in place.)
BB: What is he doing to Troy!? He’s trying to suffocate him! We need help down here NOW!
JM: I’d jump in there, but I probably have a concussion already. Plus, I’ve never really liked Troy.
BB: Now it’s Ryan to the rescue, huge clothesline by the Unified Champion sends Hollywood hard to the mat. Now Dan is trying to get that bag off of Troy’s face before it strangles him.
BB: Look out Dan! BACKSTABBER by Blaine Hollywood!
JM: That’s Entertainment!
BB: Now is not the time!
JM: No, that’s what he calls that move. That’s Entertainment!
(Troy starts shaking on the mat.)
BB: Ryan and Windham have literally given their blood here tonight. They’ve both endured an incredibly grueling match and now THIS. FISTDROP by Hollywood onto Ryan opens up Dan Ryan’s head again.
(Blaine wipes the blood off on his coat. He pulls a.. flower… out of the lapel, then takes off the coat and throws it over the ring rope, disgusted.)
BB: He’s stomping Ryan over and over again. Troy has finally been able to get the bag off his head. He bends over trying to get his wind… THAT’S ENTERTAINMENT by Hollywood. And now both men are down in the ring!
(Blaine Hollywood grabs the UNIFIED World Championship belt from the corner, folding the belt straps underneath the big gold belt buckle. He stares at it for a moment, then lays it on the mat in between Dan Ryan and Troy Windham. He lays an orchid on top of it and stares directly at the camera.)
JM: The CSWA is back and it just got pulled into another tax bracket. HOLLYWOOD is here!
BB: Apart from booking a date with Dan Ryan that he can’t cancel, Blaine Hollywood may have ended Troy Windham’s career!
JM: It’s amazing the heroin and vicodin addiction didn’t do that years ago.
BB: Dan Ryan’s had to wait weeks but tonight he’s got Blaine Hollywood in a CSWA ring!
(CUTTO: A CLOSE-UP of CSWAVision.)
(The edges of CSWAVision EXPLODE with fireworks and other pryo that the Canadian army would call an offensive.)
(CUTTO: A shot of the famous Hollywood sign in California.)
V/O: GOING BACK TO CALI. To Cali…To Cali…
(MUSIC CUEUP: “Going back to Cali” – Seven Dust.)
I'm going back to Cali, Cali, Cali
I'm going back to Cali.. I don't think so
I'm going back to Cali, Cali, Cali
I'm going back to Cali.. I don't think so
(CUTTO: Blaine Hollywood in an expensive white suit with Prado European sunglasses stands at the mast of a laughably big Yacht. He’s surrounded by beautiful women and men who would do his bidding just to be able to save the clippings of his nails in hopes of one day cloning Hollywood and raising the duplicate as their own son. Blaine smiles for the camera then snaps his fingers.)
Going back to Cali, stylin, profilin
Growlin, and smilin, while in the sun
The top is down, on the black Corvette
And it's fly, cause it's sittin on Dayton's
Laurents steering wheel, plushed out, gold-leaf phantom top
and three girls wait
(CUTTO: Hollywood driving down a winding road in the hills of Italy in a CLASSIC convertible.)
Engine's blowin, the chrome, is shining
Passing all the cars on the way
Movement of the wind, back wheels spin
Pop in a cassette and push play
(SLOW-MO shot of his hair whipping in the wind.)
(CUTTO: Blaine attacking Troy Windham at BLUE MOON.)
I'm going back to Cali,
Going back to Cali - I don't think so
I'm going back to Cali,
Going back to Cali - I don't think so
(CUTTO: Hollywood and an old lady stand at a street corner in LA. The Oxionan extends his leg and nearly steps into a puddle of rain water. The old timer next to him smiles, takes off her sweater jacket laying it over the mess. Blaine smiles and steps safely across the street.)
I'm going back to Cali, shakin 'em, bakin 'em
Takin 'em to spots they never before hung
But f_ck that place, on Sunset it's a trip
(CUTTO: Blaine cracking Dan Ryan across the head with a series of right hands.)
(CUTTO: Blaine in a white rhinestone robe, stepping onto the rampway. He spins around, arms extended and squints his eyes, the glare of the great unwashed’s imperfections blinding him.)
Where the A.C.'s cold, and the girls still strip
The record skip, but this girl kept dancin
Prancin, grindin, grinnin, romancin
I asked her to the barn, so we could hit the hay
I wanna do this, Brutus, but I don't wanna pay
RHUBARB JONES: Ladies and Gentlemen your MAIN EVENT! This is scheduled as a NON-TITLE 30-minute IRONMAN match! Your challenger…6’7, 275 lbs the OXONINAN! BLAINE HOLLYWOOD!!
(CUTTO: Hollywood stepping up the ring steps, and forcing the ref to open the ropes wide enough for his comfortable entry.)
JM: I don’t understand Buckley how we have money for production values, but I can’t stay in a room that doesn’t have a dead hooker hidden between the mattresses.
BB: That happened in your room too, huh?
JM: It’s the simple touches in a place that determines whether you’re a three or four star hotel, it really is.
BB: Blaine Hollywood Joey he’s certainly not short on confidence. He’s got a high opinion of himself but most of the wrestling world has. He’s been born and bred for this moment. If he can capitalize tonight, perhaps everything that’s been forecasted for him in this business comes true.
JM: And he’s smart enough to stay out of state! The man flew in just hours ago. That’s a scouting a report for you. Don’t drink the water. Don’t let this hellhole bring you down.
(CUTTO: Hollywood stretching off the ropes.)
(CUTTO: CLOSE-UP of CSWAVision.)
(The lights go OFF.)
(Lasers shoot off the CSWAVision.)
(MUSIC CUEUP: “Zero” – Smashing Pumpkins.)
My reflection, dirty mirror
There's no connection to myself
(CUTTO: Dan Ryan with the UNIFIED title around his waist smirking into frame.)
I'm your lover, I'm your zero
I'm the face in your dreams of glass
So save your prayers
For when we're really gonna need'em
Throw out your cares and fly
Wanna go for a ride?
(CUTTO: Ryan hitting the HUMILITY BOMB on a number of opponents in quick succession.)
(CUTTO: Dan bloodied with the UNIFIED title thrown over his shoulder walking into a delirious crowd.)
She's the one for me
She's all I really need
Cause she's the one for me
(CUTTO: Ryan in the gym working out like a King.)
Emptiness is loneliness, and loneliness is cleanliness
And cleanliness is godliness, and god is empty just like me
Intoxicated with the madness, I'm in love with my sadness
Bullshit fakers, enchanted kingdoms
(CUTTO: The Ego Buster flying off the top of a cage.)
(CUTTO: Dan stepping on the rampway as the crowd loses it.)
The fashion victims chew their charcoal teeth
I never let on, that I was on a sinking ship
I never let on that I was down
You blame yourself, for what you can't ignore
RHUBARB JONES: His opponent. From HOUSTON, TEXAS! He’s the reigning UNIFIED WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! ‘THE EGOOOOOOOOOO BUSTERRRR” DANNN RYANNNN!
BB: Fans its time for your MAIN EVENT! THIRTY MINUTES! Dan Ryan vs. Blaine Hollywood!
JM: Doesn’t Rhubarb look great Buckley? I swear the man doesn’t age. It’s a shame about his daughter and that meth charge. I remember her as a teenager all those years ago.
BB: I thought that was just a rumor.
JM: She was legal Buckley. Let’s just leave it at that.
(SFX: DING! DING!)
SMALL SCREEN IN THE UPPER LEFT HAND SIDE – TIME CLOCK: 30:00
BB: We’re about to kick this one off! Everyone in the arena on their feet. Blaine Hollywood is finally stepping foot in a CSWA ring and Dan Ryan who’s waited months for his chance at payback has a golden opportunity right here!
JM: Ryan is a very patient man Buckley. I know this for experience. He once loaned me a couple thousand dollars and he’s STILL waiting to be paid back. He's going to have to keep waiting. Think he understands that by now?
BB: It’s not every day Dan Ryan can stand eye to eye with someone in the squared circle but he shares the same eye line with Blaine Hollywood! Both men staring the other down, Blaine looking at Dan with an air of disapproval.
JM: It’s probably his credit rating. Ryan’s consistently late on most payments. I’ve tried for years to explain how this effects his credit score, but you can lead a horse to water you just can’t make him drink.
BB: Collar and elbow tie-up! Ryan and Hollywood in an epic struggle, neither giving an inch!
JM: I’ve never had a problem with giving an inch…
BB: I know this is SHOWTIME Joey and we’re on a little later at night, but oh what the hell you’ve seen our ratings to this point, who the hell is watching this?
(Ryan with a deep knee bend throws Hollywood into the ropes!)
JM: That a boy Buckley. I look at every broadcast as it could be my last.
BB: Do you want to finish that joke before I go on?
(Collar and elbow lock up!)
JM: Because with this company it could be!
BB: Another epic struggle! Ryan again throws Hollywood off! Blaine with a right hand! Enough with the pleasantries! (Both men trading blows!)
JM: That’s just how men of Oxford greet those beneath them. This country used to be ruled with a stiff hand Buckley.
BB: Dan and Blaine rock each other in the center of the ring! It’s Dan Ryan with a HUGE right cross and Hollywood is on jelly legs!
JM: Melton Homemade Jellies now in all Wal-Mart locations!
BB: You must be proud?
(Ryan scoops Blaine up and SLAMS him to the mat.)
JM: I’m busting, Buckley. Busting.
BB: LEAPING ELBOW! From Ryan and either the mat gave a little or Blaine Hollywood’s ribs just cracked! A cover, ONE…..TW—NO! Leslie Bein makes the call!
JM: Why is there a female ref in the CSWA?
BB: Ryan brings Blaine to his feet and bullies him into a corner. Leslie’s done a great job in the CSWA in the past year on its European swing. She’s earned this Joey. Ryan caves in Blaine’s gut with his right shoulder! He’s like a short range cannon. There’s not a heavier hitter in the game today than Dan Ryan! Ryan again lowers his shoulder! DRIVING INTO BLAINE!
JM: A CSWA European swing. That’s sort of like does the world of Oz exist when Dorothy’s not there.
BB: HUGE upper cut by RYAN! I’m not sure Blaine can take thirty minutes of this kind of punishment! The UNIFIED champ WHIPS Blaine across the ring and the force of the Oxonian hitting the corner shakes the entire ring! Ryan charges! LEAPING DROPKICK by Blaine! What reaction time!
JM: Blaine’s just a touch smarter than the rest of us Buckley. A fact he tries to prove at every turn. I hear he wanted the crowd in Nashville to take a Wonderlic test just to see if they were capable of understanding his greatness.
BB: Hollywood hops to the second turnbuckle and LEAPS off with a flying elbow! Bein covers, ONE…TWO…RYAN KICKS OUT!
JM: Leslie’s a handsome woman is she not? And to Blaine’s point I’ve wanted these people in Nashville tested for years!
BB: Hollywood on the attack, turns Ryan over, CROSSFACE CHICKEN WING! Could this be the first pinfall in the first five minutes of this match?
JM: Were you being rhetorical or did you want that answered Buckley?
(CUTTO – CLOSEUP: Blaine Hollywood straining and looking into the camera.)
BLAINE HOLLYWOOD: PERFECT Technique. Look at it!
BB: Ryan really in trouble, reaching….reaching…yes! He finds the bottom rope. Bein steps in and calls for the break.
JM: I bet that was an awkward conversation with her parents.
(Blaine KICKS Ryan in the gut as he tries to get to his knees, and Ryan is moved in the air a few feet.)
BB: Which conversation?
JM: I was talking about the one where she explains her career path, but you’re right. Both had to be a hard pill to swallow.
(Ryan gets to his knees but is leveled by a swift punt across the chops!)
BB: That’s not what I meant Melton! Ryan hit flush! You could hear the sound of IMPACT echoing across the auditorium halls.
JM: Perfect form from Hollywood but I’m not surprised. He was a letterman on the Oxford peasant team.
(Hollywood picks Ryan up by his head. Dan is beginning to bleed a little from his nose.)
BB: Peasant team? What’s that Melton?
(Blaine backs Ryan into a corner and unleashes a MASSIVE forearm shot to Dan’s chest. And ANOTHER.)
JM: It’s a group of elite men who get together and step on those less fortunate to get ahead.
BB: Stop! Ryan rocked early! Blaine backs him into the rope and sends him across the ring, Ryan off the ropes, POWERSLAM!
(Blaine stoops down to Ryan.)
(CUTTO: Hollywood reaching into his tights for something.)
BB: What did Hollywood just grab?
JM: I saw nothing.
SMALL SCREEN IN THE UPPER LEFT HAND SIDE – TIME CLOCK: 25:00
BB: Of course you didn’t!
(Hollywood throws his arm around Ryan’s head to shield his actions and SPRAYS something into Dan’s eyes. Ryan immediately falls back and blindly throws fists in the air.)
BB: BLAINE HOLLYWOOD HAS BLINDED DAN RYAN! HOW DID LESLIE BEIN MISS THAT?!
JM: How did Bein’s parents miss a lot of things Buckley. Let me tell you what Leslie doesn’t miss. A sundress. A man’s touch.
BB: Melton stop! This is serious! Dan Ryan is staggering around the ring punch drunk and blind!
JM: How is this different than any other time, honestly?
(CUTTO: Blaine Hollywood smirking to the crowd.)
BB: Ryan swinging wildly! Blaine moving in for the kill. NO! THAT’S ENTERTAINMENT! (lungblower) FROM HOLLYWOOD! OUT OF NOWHERE!
JM: Or it had to seem to Dan Ryan!
BB: Ryan out on his back and Blaine sheepishly covers! ONE….TWO…….THREE!
FALL COUNT: RYAN -0 HOLLYWOOD – 1
BB: Blaine Hollywood has stolen a pinfall in the early going. Melton this is an outrage!
JM: Not hardly. Jason Bateman being overlooked for an Oscar for most of his career is an outrage. This is just street justice for all the things Dan Ryan has done wrong in his career.
BB: Oh come on, how can you say that. Ryan slowly to his feet, rubbing maddeningly at his eyes.
(Blaine climbs to the top rope and waits for Ryan to move closer.)
BB: What’s Hollywood doing now?
JM: That’s part of the fun Buckley you just have to wait and see. Sorry Dan.
BB: BLAINE WITH A LEAPING LUNGBLOWER! THAT’s ENTERTAINMENT from the top rope! Great stars!
JM: That’s what Dan Ryan is seeing right now Buckley, stars.
BB: Bein hits the mat for the cover.
(CUTTO: Blaine laying backwards over Ryan in a pinfall position.)
BB: ONE………….TWO………………..THREE!! No! Come on!
FALL COUNT: RYAN -0 HOLLYWOOD – 2
JM: Dan Ryan better be thanking his lucky stars this is non-title! He’s being outworked and OUT THOUGHT in this match thus far.
BB: Ryan desperately rolls under the bottom rope and out of the ring. He understands he can’t afford to take anymore pinfalls. Melton Dan Ryan has gone entire YEARS before without being pinned twice, now in a span of two minutes he’s down two to ZERO in this match!
JM: I told you as a man of Oxford Blaine Hollywood has thought about this match from every possible angle. He’s played this match in his mind a thousands times. I don’t think IBM could build a machine that thinks fast enough to keep up with the Oxonian.
BB: Melton you’ve got a little something on your nose.
JM: That’s not nice Buckley.
BB: Blaine heads outside to follow up on Ryan.
(CUTTO: Ryan aimlessly walking around, head down, rubbing at his eyes.)
SMALL SCREEN IN THE UPPER LEFT HAND SIDE – TIME CLOCK: 20:00
BB: Blaine on the prowl, stalking Ryan like prey. Hollywood RAKES the back of the UNIFIED champion! Ryan with an elbow to Blaine’s stomach! (POP) This Nashville crowd trying to get behind their champion! Ryan fires wildly but misses! Hollywood DRIVES his knee into Dan’s gut! Blaine fires Ryan’s head right into the ring apron!
JM: If he’s trying to knock some sense into Ryan he’s got a long way to go!
BB: OH! Hollywood Irish Whips Ryan into the security railing!
(Blaine with a running follow-up, he leaps into the air but Ryan moves out of the way!)
BB: The challenger takes out the first row of fans! HORNET backstage passed out over the legal ramifications I’m sure.
DAN RYAN: (shouting to anyone within earshot) WATER! WATER!
JM: I feel for Blaine Hollywood covered in commoners. This is a man who wears gloves just to TIP his gardeners, so imagine what he’s feeling now.
BB: Ryan’s handed bottled water from the crowd! And he’s throwing it over his eyes!
JM: Back in my day I was handed women’s panties and hotel room keys. Damn I miss the 90s.
BB: Hollywood climbs over the railing, he’s ghost white!
BLAINE HOLLYWOOD: (To anyone within earshot) WATER! WATER!
BB: Now its Hollywood taking bottled water.
(CUTTO: Hollywood bathing himself in water.)
JM: I love it Buckley. He’s sanitizing himself from being in contact with the great unwashed!
BB: Oh that’s horrible.
JM: I know. He’ll need a pressure washer to be most effective.
BB: Blaine’s killed a lot of time here but he’s finally chasing after Dan.
(Hollywood folding up a chair and eyeing the Champ.)
BB: He’s swinging for the fences! NO! Ryan kick to the gut! Dan WRESTLES THE CHAIR OUT OF HOLLYWOOD’S HANDS!
BB: Ryan BLASTS Blaine with a vicious chairshot!
(Ryan cracking the chair over Hollywood’s head again.)
JM: I haven’t seen a crowning like that since accidently watching the miracle of birth on a Discovery special.
BB: The champ lifts Hollywood in the air and drops him over the security railing!
BB: I don’t know whether Bein is counting or not, Joey but let these guys go at it! Maybe it’ll even the odds in Ryan’s favor.
JM: I’m not even sure Bein is a licensed ref to be honest. It’s bad enough we’ve got Doris Burke calling Tournament games, now this sign of the Apocalypse is working a CSWA Main Event.
BB: Ryan’s rolling Blaine back in the ring, he’s smart enough to know he’s not going to even the match on the outside!
(CUTTO: Blaine on his knees, feeling around in his mouth to ensure he hasn’t lost any teeth.)
BB: Ryan waiting for Hollywood to reach his feet…SLINGSHOT SHOULDBLOCK! (POP) That’s 6’7 330 lbs going over the top rope!
JM: He’s a graceful ballerina, is that what you want to hear Buckley?
BB: Ryan kneeling over the fallen, ramming his fists into Blaine’s head! He’s trying to beat the hell out of Blaine Hollywood! Those huge fists of his just tearing into the forehead of the challenger!
JM: He’s come a long way. I remember when he first started Dan would actually get in the ring and call out Battleship numbers like he was trying to sink someone’s battleship.
BB: Ryan now runs for the ropes, jumps onto the middle rope and flies off! FLYING LEGDROP! He cover ONE….TWO….no! The pity here for Ryan is he’s not just down a pinfall he’s down two. And scoring two falls just to TIE this match in under twenty minutes is going to be a tough ask.
(Ryan helps Blaine to his feet and backs him into a corner.)
JM: That’s the genius of Hollywood’s plan. He gave himself some breathing room, full well knowing if he wins this match he probably wins a title shot in the near future. Not only is he a Mensa member, he’s won awards for his spoken word poetry too.
BB: Ryan cracks an elbow across Blaine’s chops. Bear hug from Ryan, no BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX! Dan points to the top rope! (POP)
JM: The man had some success with high risk behavior at Blue Moon, but that’s not his game. Ryan’s best served to stick to what’s made him a legend in this business.
BB: I agree Melton, but he’s headed to the top anyway! Hollywood to his feet and rushes over! He’s got Ryan in the catbird seat. Blaine with a hard right hand! And another! He climbs the turnbuckle now! Both men on the top rope!
JM: This is why I avoided the top turnbuckle my whole career.
BB: Hollywood with a SUPERPLEX! OH!
(In mid-air Ryan changes the move to a NECKBREAKER!)
BB: Ryan with one hell of a maneuver! He covers! ONE….TWO…THRE-NO! He was an inch away from being only one pin down. You can tell by the look on his face he thought he got the three count there Joey.
JM: I think that’s just indigestion Buckley. This man’s pre-match spread is shameful. When touring India together, I once saw him eat a sacred cow before our match!
BB: That’s enough!
JM: It’s TRUE!
BB: PILEDRIVER from Ryan! (POP!) He’s going back to the top rope! Clearly Joey he’s trying to hit a big one, something to put Hollywood away!
JM: When he should be working a part of his body over to try and draw multiple submissions. That’s what I would be doing. Of course, a year ago I thought I’d be anywhere but here too.
BB: The Champ perched on the top, the fans all on their feet! FROGSPLASH! (Blaine moves out of the way just in time.) And nobody HOME! Hollywood up and proudly walking around the ring, boy this guy doesn’t miss a chance to gloat over a correct response does he?
JM: No he doesn’t Buckley. He once spent money on a Times Square billboard congratulating himself on a 109 pt word in WORDS WITH FRIENDS.
BB: I think I saw that, actually.
(Blaine backs Ryan into a corner and delivers a right hand! Ryan returns the favor!)
JM: Was it tastefully done? Yes. But hey when you have that kind of money to just throw away, why bother giving it to Live AID.
BB: Ryan backing Blaine up with heavy shots! STANDING DROPKICK from Ryan! Both men back up BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX! Dan grabs the legs, BOSTON CRAB!
JM: Finally he’s making some sense, going to a submission move, wearing down his opponent.
BB: When was the last time you saw someone tap out to a Boston Crab?
(Blaine pounds his forearm to try and drown out the pain.)
JM: I once got a submission from it when I caught my housekeeper selling off my laundry to the highest bidder on craig’s list. I got an apology too. Sadly I’ve had to pay for two of her back surgeries since. The point is, if properly applied Ryan is in the driver’s seat.
BB: That’s the most horrifying thing I’ve heard.
JM: Ryan sitting in, really trying to get the most leverage possible! Hollywood has his hand raised is he going to tap Buckley?
BB: I think he is!!
(CUTTO: Blaine Hollywood palm out, looking at the mat, screaming out in pain.)
JM: Does he give one up here to focus on the rest of the match, he’d still be up one fall! Bein asking the Oxonian.
BB: How much more can Blaine Hollywood endure? If he submits the hold breaks! If he stays in, he risks damage that he can’t undo the rest of the match!
JM: I think HE TAPPED!
(CUTTO: Blaine his hand an INCH FROM THE MAT.)
BB: Not yet Melton! But he’s close! He’s oh so close!
LESLIE BEIN: Blaine, you give?
BLAINE: SHAME YOURSELF WO-MAN BEFORE YOU TALK…TO…AN….OXIONAN!
BB: THAT HAND IS NEARLY ON THE MAT!!!
LESLIE BEIN: YES what?
BLAINE: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh YES YES YES…
LESLIE BEIN: That’s it!
BLAINE: Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
BB: Is he singing?
BLAINE: Now it looks as though they're here to stay.
JM: Mind over body Buckley. Let’s just say if Luke was an Oxonian he would’ve gotten the X-wing out of the water.
BLAINE: Oh, I believe in yesterday.
(Hollywood reaching back cracks Ryan on the left ear and is able to turn out of the hold.)
BB: He’s out! Melton don’t!
JM: She’s a fine ref Buckley…give me some credit.
(Blaine lying on the mat clutching his back, in searing pain.)
BB: He stays two falls up, but has the damage been done? Ryan has to go on the offensive right HERE! And he is! Dan has Blaine on his feet. BACKBREAKER! (POP) Dan covers…ONE….TWO….. (foot on the ropes.) SO CLOSE!
JM: He may be two falls down, but there’s time on the clock. This is possible for Dan Ryan. He just has to keep wearing Blaine down. Time is on his side.
BB: Ryan throws Blaine into a corner head first!
(Ryan with a NASTY forearm shiver to the small back of Hollywood!)
BB: Hollywood’s eyes roll back in his head. He’s in some kind of trouble Joey. Another forearm shot! Ryan GERMAN SUPLEX!
(The fans all rise.)
JM: He’s going to need every bit of willpower to hang on mentally here Buckley. My back hurts just watching this. That and I’m nearly fifty. My back hurts getting out of bed.
BB: Ryan hoists Blaine on his shoulders. TORTURE RACK! HE’S GOT HOLLYWOOD IN THE TORTURE RACK!
JM: That’s a lot of man he’s got on his shoulders! Dan Ryan is a beast, plain and simple. A simple beast, yes.
BB: It was ten years ago that Ryan won the UNIFIED title from the man who made the TORTURE RACK famous in the CSWA! And here he is now with one of the brightest young stars in the game today on his shoulders, in desperate need of a pinfall or submission! Can he get it?
JM: Ryan’s reaching for that something extra Buckley. He’s doing everything he can. He wants it right here and I don’t see anyway Hollywood is getting out of this one.
BB: Leslie Bein right there asking Blaine for the magic words, and I don’t think she means the lyrics to another Beatles classic!
LESLIE: Blaine…what you got?
JM: I think he might have passed out Buckley!
SMALL SCREEN IN THE UPPER LEFT HAND SIDE – TIME CLOCK: 15:00
BB: Ryan like a man possessed…he’s going to break Blaine Hollywood in two!
BLAINE: Yes I quit.
(Leslie calls for the bell.)
FALL COUNT: RYAN - 1 HOLLYWOOD – 2
BB: Blaine Hollywood gives one back! But Joey good heavens the man had no other choice!
(CUTTO: Dan Ryan dropping Hollywood off his back then collapsing to his knees.)
JM: When you make a choice like that its obvious Blaine was asking himself and Dan Ryan, can you get one more on me in 15 minutes. He’s still in the driver’s seat!
(Ryan GASPING for air, and Blaine out cold seemingly behind him.)
BB: He doesn’t look it! I don’t think he can just hope to ride out the wave for under fifteen minutes. Joey he’s got to get another pinfall to win this. Simple as that.
(Dan to his feet, recovering in a corner. Hollywood hasn’t stirred.)
JM: Against a man who hasn’t been pinned much over the last few years. Good luck.
BB: Ryan grabs Blaine by the feet and drags him to the middle of the ring! He goes outside the ropes onto the apron. Ryan as this capacity Nashville crowd still stands gives a thumbs up. RYAN…SLINGSHOT LEG DROP!
(Blaine’s right leg twitches.)
BB: Leslie with the cover we’re about to be all square!
(Ryan pounds the mat in anticipation.)
FALL COUNT: RYAN - 2 HOLLYWOOD – 2
BB: He’s done it! We’re all--- What? Leslie is waving it off!
(CUTTO: Blaine’s left leg on the bottom rope.)
FALL COUNT: RYAN - 1 HOLLYWOOD – 2
BB: Are you kidding me? Ryan had the equalizer in his grasp!
JM: Jokes aside, good call by butch.
(Ryan brings Hollywood to his feet.)
JM: That was a compliment!
BB: Ryan hoists Hollywood up again, another TORTURE RACK—NO! DDT FROM HOLLYWOOD! That came out of nowhere! Blaine on his feet, stomping away at Ryan! He’s out of the fire! Joey I thought the young man was cooked!
JM: That’s why men of Oxford hire people to cook for them.
BB: The second generation wrestler still clutching his back but he backs Ryan into the ropes and shoots him across the ring….SPINEBUSTER! (POP) Hollywood thinks about covering, but he rolls outside.
JM: And a wise move! The clock is his enemy. He’s trying to get a title shot. Just stay alive. Run time. And most importantly get a second wind!
BB: Easier said than done, Melton. I’m sure.
(CUTTO: Blaine on the outside, ring arm around his back, sucking wind and walking gingerly around the ring. A fan sticks out his beverage and Blaine SLAPS it out of his hands.)
BB: That’s uncalled for!
(Ryan slips under the ropes.)
JM: Especially with what Hornet’s charging for beers. I know he inherited some debt, but you could take that money and go to Tate Street and get to third base, that’s all I’m sayin.
BB: Ryan charging after Hollywood but Blaine sneaks in a back heel kick! Big clubbing forearm! Hollywood hooks the arms, he tries to lift Ryan up but his back gives out!
(Ryan bends his knees…and lifts..)
BB: BACK BODY DROP BY RYAN!
BB: Hollywood took a spill right on that injured back! Ryan looking under the ring, he’s pulling out a table!
JM: Is this no DQ?
BB: It’s the Wild West!
(Fans go crazy as Ryan sets up the table.)
BB: Dan Ryan is still a pinfall down. But he’s working it. He’s setting up Hollywood for the fall. I haven’t heard Nashville this loud in years!
JM: To be fair the CSWA hasn’t played here in years.
(Ryan goes over to Blaine and unleashes an uppercut!)
BB: These two towers have traded shots that would have the Japanese running for cover. That’s how much the Earth has shook in this match!
SMALL SCREEN IN THE UPPER LEFT HAND SIDE – TIME CLOCK: 10:00
BB: Ten minute mark! Ryan hooks the arms….HUMILITY BOMB THROUGH THE TABLE!! OH MY STARS! OHHH MY LUCKY STARS!
(CUTTO: Over head shot of Blaine out cold surrounded by debris for the table.)
BB: Ryan has inflicted unreal damage on this man tonight. But to his credit he’s hung on! But can he hang on for under ten minutes?
JM: It’ anybody’s guess right now Buckley. I’m a betting man and I wouldn’t know where to place my money.
BB: Ryan shoveling Blaine under the ropes and back into the ring. He’s got to get a pinfall out of this. Ryan covers! We’re going to be all tied up!
JM: I’ve been that way! If you like giving up control, it has its rewards!
(Bein slides into position.)
BB: ONE…………TWO……………………NO!!! I DON’T BELIEVE IT! Blaine Hollywood kicks out! He got his left shoulder up, it was much more than enough to slide a credit card through, but he got it up!
JM: I’m not touching that one Buckley. Some are just too easy.
BB: Ryan shakes his head in disbelief! But he’s back on the attack. He pulls Blaine to the middle of the ring, BOSTON CRA-NO! SMALL PACKAGE!
(Bein dives over both men to get in position.)
BB: ONE…………..TWO……THRE-NO! Ryan a half second away from being in a insurmountable hole! (Ryan drops a quick elbow across Blaine’s throat.)
JM: We can’t just focus on Hollywood beating the clock. He’s just three seconds away from ending this match most likely. If Ryan gets too careless trying to end this, he’ll leave himself wide open a counter!
BB: And that’s what just happened. Ryan backs Hollywood into the ropes. He sends him across the ring, Hollywood LEAPS OVER, off the ropes, FRANK’N’PARSONS from Ryan!
(CUTTO: A pimply faced teenager in a “We Need Humility” T-shirt, near tears.)
BB: Nobody has sat down in the last…well since the match started Melton!
JM: Ryan on the verge, you can sense it. It’s building. Like an orgasm of…
BB: And thank you…
(Ryan hooks the arms again.)
BB: Humility bomb? If he hits this…….no! FRANK’N’PARSONS FROM HOLLYWOOD! Ryan to his feet, Blaine over, THAT’S ENTERTAI---NO! RYAN REVERSES INTO A SITOUT POWERBOMB! He didn’t get all of it, Joey!
JM: At this stage Buckley he got enough.
BB: Ryan covers! ONE……………..TWO………..TH—NO! (POP) These fans can’t believe it! Now you have to consider Ryan is losing time. He’s losing daylight to tie this match! Not just tie but win!
JM: Is there an overtime session? What’s the rules here?
BB: That’s a good question Joey. I don’t think these fans would mind staying longer, having this one go late into the night. We’re here, let’s stay all night! But first Ryan has to EVEN THE SCORE!
(Both men against the ropes head into the other’s chest.)
BB: Ryan with a knee to Hollywood’s gut! And another!
JM: If there are any more tricks up Blaine’s sleeves he might want to break’em out now.
BB: Ryan whips Hollywood across the ropes back body drop! No! Blaine with KICK TO RYAN’S CHEST! Hollywood off the ropes!
BB: This is what wrestling should be all about Joey! This is what the CSWA has ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT! FOR TWENTY-FIVE YEARS!
(Hollywood climbing to the top rope.)
JM: Are we counting in dog years now?
BB: Ryan has fought so long and hard to try and get back in this match after that devastating opening. But you’re starting to get the feeling it’s not going to be enough. Hollywood THIS CLOSE to holding on and walking to ANNIVERSARY with a Title shot!
(Ryan hurries and leaps to the middle turnbuckle. He POPS Blaine in the head then climbs!)
BB: Both men on the top turnbuckle again! (HUGE POP) What more can they give? What more do they HAVE to give? RYAN LIFTING BLAINE IN THE AIR! OHMYHEAVENS! STANDING VERTICAL SUPLEX FROM THE TOP ROPE! HE’S HOLDING BLAINE IN THE AIR!
JM: Is now a good time to bring up blood testing in the CSWA? Or lack thereof?
BB: VERTICAL SUPLEX FROM THE TOP ROPE!!!!
BB: Dan may be a little dazed himself, but he finally reaches back for the pin! Bein covers! ONE….TWO…..TH-NOOOOOOO! How did Hollywood get out of that one?!
(Ryan just shaking his head.)
JM: Upbringing and money can buy you a lot, but it doesn’t always produce heart Buckley. It has tonight.
BB: Ryan in utter disbelief that Hollywood keeps kicking out. Under ten minutes and he’s hanging on for dear life! It’s beat the clock and Blaine Hollywood just may very damn well do it!
(Ryan sits Blaine upright then stands and KICKS HIM SQUARE IN THE BACK.)
BB: That size monster boot just got personal with Blaine! And another! Ryan wearing the young man down! Chopping the tree! You’ve gotta believe he possesses enough to get over the finish line! Ryan off the ropes DROPKICK ON THE BACK OF HOLLYWOOD!
JM: Did I ever tell you what I once did to the back of Lindsay Troy?
BB: Joey STOP! Despite the later time slot this is a family show!
(Ryan waits for Blaine to stand up.)
JM: What are you talking about Buckley? It was in training at her place, I accidently.. yeah you’re right family show, sorry. I love that woman, though.
BB: Hollywood to his feet and Ryan rushes over! Right hands! Now a left! Ryan shoots Blaine across the ring and off the ropes, knee to the gut! No, Blaine dives though, and ROLLS UP RYAN! Bein covers! ONE……..TWOOOOOO…………………….T-NO! Ryan is up! (POP)
SMALL SCREEN IN THE UPPER LEFT HAND SIDE – TIME CLOCK: 5:00
RHUBRAB JONES: Ladies and Gentlemen, FIVE MINUTES REMAIN!
BB: Five minutes! Ryan in desperate need of a pin! I don’t know how Blaine is hanging on but he’s dug in! There’s a finish line in sight. Both men bloodied and bruised! This has been an ordeal for both men!
(Ryan bullies Blaine into a corner, lowers and DRIVES his shoulder through Hollywood.)
JM: An ordeal Buckley? Having your teeth cleaned is an ordeal. This has been a FIGHT.
BB: Ryan standing on the middle rope, firing right hands into the forehead of Hollywood!
CROWD COUNTING: ONE…
BB: Hollywood with a shot to Ryan’s family jewels!
JM: Sometimes, it’s the best place to win a match! Not the prettiest, but the most effective.
BB: I can’t argue that. Ryan is doubled over, Hollywood hooks the legs and carries Dan out of the corner, ATOMIC DROP!
(Ryan spins around, and Blaine backs up a few steps then runs at Ryan.)
BB: BULLDOG! Blaine goes to middle turnbuckle! Another lungdropper! He started the match this way, Joey!
JM: Only fitting he ends it!
BB: HOLLYWOOD OFF THE MIDDLE ROPE BUT RYAN SIDE STEPS! And CATCHES BLAINE HOLLYWOOD BY THE THROAT!
(Ryan takes a deep breath then lifts Hollywood in the air.)
BB: CHOKESLAM! CHOKESLAM! CHOKESLAM! Bein, ONE………………..TWO………………THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! (HUGE POP!) RYAN SCORES THE FALL!
FALL COUNT: RYAN - 2 HOLLYWOOD – 2
(CUTTO – WIDE SHOT: Bridgestone Arena in hysterics.)
JM: In the end Buckley, you just can’t hold off that man for a long period of time. The onslaught he poured on was just brutal to watch. Hollywood hung on the best he could.
BB: Indeed Joey. (Ryan to his feet, doubled over the top rope.) With minutes to spare, Ryan FINALLY finds the equalizer! Now can either man outright win this match tonight?
(Ryan stalks a game Hollywood who’s reached his feet. )
BB: Blaine falls, grabs the tights and polevaults Ryan head first into the corner!
(CUTTO: RYAN’s head hitting the iron post then falling back, staggering on his feet.)
BB: Hollywood school boys him! ONE…..TWO…(Hollywood throws both feet on the middle rope.)
(Bein is all over it.)
JM: I hate to see that. The kid’s foot getting stuck on the ropes.
BB: It’s both feet Joey, come on! Bein calls for the break! Hollywood angrily to his feet! He’s face to face with the ref! Leslie to her credit isn’t backing down a bit!
JM: Hollywood just shoved her! Bein slaps him! (POP)
BB: RYAN CHARGES CLOTHESLINE (Hollywood turns and ducks) OH! RYAN JUST CLOTHESLINED LESLIE BEIN RIGHT OVER THE TOP ROPE!
(CUTTO: Leslie falling over the top rope and CRACKING her head against the cement floor.)
BB: She may need medical attention Joey.
JM: You want ME to give mouth to mouth? How about Ivy? She may respond to that better. I might too...
BB: I’m just saying. Hollywood kicks Ryan in the gut! He sends Ryan across the ring, off the ropes, Ryan ducks a clothesline, off the ropes, SHOULDERBLOCK! (POP)
SMALL SCREEN IN THE UPPER LEFT HAND SIDE – TIME CLOCK: 2:00
BB: Ryan covers, nobody’s home! One…..two….three..
JM: You can count for hours Buckley.
(CUTTO: The lifeless body of Leslie Bein.)
BB: I think Bein is out, Joey.
JM: I’ll say. I think she’s been out.
(Ryan kick to the gut. Hooks the arm.)
BB: HUMILITY BOMB! HUMILITY BOMB! How many seconds are left? And she’s out cold! No way! This can’t be happening! Ryan covers there’s no count.
(CUTTO: JJ DEVILLE in street clothes and a Ref’s hat RUNNING down to the ring. He slides through the ropes and strikes a pose.)
BB: THAT’S JJ DEVILLE! WHAT’S HE DOING HERE? Ryan is unsure but Deville is motioning to Hollywood! Ryan covers, JJ COUNTS…ONE……TWO……T-NO!
JM: Buckley when this kid first showed up in the CSWA he was training to be a ref. But it was men like Eddy Love and Troy Windham who saw something more. I never did, but he first went to the Warehouse to be a Ref! What if he’s still licensed?
BB: Why the hell not?!
(Ryan and Hollywood to their feet. Ryan landing some heavy blows!)
BB: Ryan sends Blaine off the ropes, POWERSLAM! THE COVER! ONE………..TWO………….NO! Hollywood with a shoulder up AT THE COUNT OF THREE! WOW!
JM: How much time is left!? How much?
BB: Ryan to his feet, he leaps to the middle ropes, LIONSAULT! BLAINE WITH HIS KNEES PULLED UP!
(Ryan backs up clutching his gut.)
BB: Now it’s Hollywood on his feet, off the ropes, SLIDING CLOTHELSINE!
SMALL SCREEN IN THE UPPER LEFT HAND SIDE – TIME CLOCK: 1:00
RHUBRAB JONES: Ladies and Gentlemen, ONE MINUTE REMAINS…
BB: We’re seconds away! Can either mean score the decisive pinfall?
JM: They have to hurry if they can Buckley. Fast court offense right here!
BB: Ryan and Hollywood on their knees trading blows! Ryan WITH A HUGE RIGHT HAND! That one has Hollywood seeing STARS!
(Ryan pulls himself to his feet. He’s got Blaine on his too.)
BB: Ryan with a knee to the gut!
JM: We’re going to run out of time!
SMALL SCREEN IN THE UPPER LEFT HAND SIDE – TIME CLOCK: :30
BB: Ryan grabs Blaine from behind, GERMAN SUPLEX INTO A BRIDGE PIN!
JM: Can the kid last thirty more seconds?!!
(CUTTO: JJ DEVILLE SLIDING INTO POSITION LIKE A PRO.)
BB: JJ COUNTS! ONE………………TWO………….THREEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
(ROOF BLOWS UP.)
BB: DAN RYAN HAS DONE IT WITH TWENTY SECONDS TO SPARE!!!!
SMALL SCREEN IN THE UPPER LEFT HAND SIDE – TIME CLOCK: :07
(CUTTO: JJ leaning over the ropes talking to Rhubarb.)
RHUBARB JONES: Ladies and Gentlemen the winner of the match, three pinfalls to two, BLAINE HOOOOOOOLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYWOOODDDD!
BB: What the hell? What is that rat doing?!
(Hollywood barely held up by the ropes looks and Deville and smiles. He throws his right arm around JJ and Deville shrugs it off!)
(CUTTO: Blaine motioning “shhh” with a finger on his lips and winking and JJ before leaving the ring.)
(CUTTO: Dan Ryan on his knees furious.)
JM: I told you Buckley that Hollywood needed one more trick up his sleeve and he had it. The Oxonian strikes again.
BB: JJ DEVILLE IS A RAT! I knew he wasn’t to be trusted the minute he stepped out here.
(CUTTO: Deville pleading his case to Dan Ryan. Sure of himself, sure of his call.)
JM: Deville’s saying Blaine had a shoulder up and Ryan was pinned!
BB: Deville motioning to CSWAVision trying to get a replay. I’ve gotta see this for myself, Joey.
(CUTTO: Leslie Bein being led away on a stretcher.)
(FULL SCREEN REPLAY: German suplex. Bridge pin. Blaine two shoulders on the mat, JJ somewhat shielded view, Ryan one shoulder slightly up.)
(CUTTO: JJ DEVILLE distraught. Hands on his head. He kicks the bottom rope and apologizes to Ryan.)
BB: Wrestling fans will know about the history Deville and Hollywood share! This guy is a snake plain as day!
JM: Or, just a horrible ref who made the right decision to wrestle!
BB: You’re not saying you believe all this was an innocent mistake?
(CUTTO: Blaine Hollywood at the edge of the exit ramp, blowing a kiss to Deville.)
(CUTTO: Dan Ryan sliding out of the ring, warning Devillie.)
(CUTTO: JJ Deville slumped over the top rope, mouthing to the fans, “That’s not what I saw.”
JM: I don’t know what to think anymore Buckley.
BB: Fans, we’re out of time!
(CUTTO: Credits rolling.)
BB: What a night! JJ….
Results compiled and archived with Backstage 3.